Good Witch / Bad Witch

Entries tagged as ‘success’

Office Plagiarism: Credit Where It’s Due

March 8, 2010 · 3 Comments

Hearing the words, “You’ve been robbed!” is only acceptable at a recreational ballgame, never in your personal career. What to do when the Idea Elves visited you overnight.    — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — How do I deal with a work peer who steals a lot of my ideas? He takes credit for my work and I find out after the fact. This has happened twice now.  — Peered Off

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Dear Peered Off,

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but I know firsthand it’s often just flippin’ annoying. Keep your “flattery” to yourself and come up with your own damn ideas! I Get you, Peered. But all ideas aren’t created equally: for those truly original, game-changers you want to protect yourself, but for creative everyday concepts, boundary etiquette might suffice. Furhermore, don’t automatically jump to conclusions but prove you’ve been robbed before taking a more drastic move with management or beyond.

Beware your approach but approach your alleged pickpocket. First, have a plan, a goal. It’s most important here to bring his behavior to light and let him know in no uncertain terms you’re not ok with it. However, getting/taking credit yourself isn’t automatically the ultimate goal in every instance. If the larger group goal is met and served far more than any individual being given credit for a line item idea, then handle your emotions and step off. Weigh this for balance. While some anti-“snitching” cultures do controversially exist, I’m not aware of any culture where it’s ok to steal. In the workplace where a potential consequence is your being held back in some form, theft of your ideas is a double no-no.

Ideas are a dime a dozen — take comfort in knowing it takes real genius (which is not all about the brain power) to know how to bring them to fruition. Some hot ideas are already germinating in the ether and it could be a coincidence rather than a theft of yours (sure!, even twice possibly). People are often subconsciously influenced by thoughts or words they hear, and sometimes unknowingly repeat them as their own (even brainiacs in their fields — see: the Beatles!). Neutrally ask him how he came up with the idea. When? If you need to, take him back and refer to your notes (start keeping them if you don’t already; I date mine without fail) on the idea or when you brought them up in another meeting. Pulling out your documentation during a meeting becomes an option, but one you want to make sure doesn’t make you look like the petty ass. Oftentimes, collaboration is the path to creative solutions. Honor your own boundaries by letting people know consistently (through well-placed word but regular action) to be respected, but pick your battles wisely, and if it makes sense to, bring in the troops.

Be your own anti-theft device,

BadWitch

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Dear Peered Off,

Plagiarism is a serious charge. But, God knows, it happens—in term papers and the office. Unfortunately you can’t go around copyrighting every thought and even if you could, it may not serve you. Neither will vengeance.

If your co-worker is your boss, well, you have no recourse for the whole taking credit for your brain trust. Think of it as being noticed by the higher ups. It reeks of job security. Recognize how the political system works. Do not compromise your job or your boss’ ego by dropping in a well placed, “That’s what I thought when I came up with it.” It isn’t actually well placed and could relive you of that job security thing. Suck it up. Breathe and wait to share your ideas in a crowded meeting room.

If your coworker is in fact, just a peer, well, then…Again, do not try to upstage with a well placed, “that’s what I thought…” Bide your time, hold your tongue and keep your great ideas to yourself. Share separately and quietly with those involved in hiring and firing and running the department. Perhaps ideas in a well placed memo?  Then, when your buddy decides to plagiarize your thoughts and ideas, the one’s who need to know will already know—without you saying a word.

I will say, document your thoughts. Do not share off the cuff great ideas with this coworker, as clearly this guy is looking for great ideas to take credit for. But, at the same time, this is a balancing act, because sharing ideas for the overall goal of success for the team is necessary for success for the team. Share in collaborative meetings. If these meetings include your coworker who then presents to your boss as “I,” well, then I might drop in a humble but accurate “we” to help your coworker realize that plagiarism and credit stealing is easily done and very much NOT appreciated.

Sadly, your coworker may not even realize the “I” has taken the place of the “we.” But as I said, if it seems fully calculated, set your coworker up for the fall of his (or her) own making. Put the people who should know you are the brain trust in the know.

But, a side note. Be sure that collaborative work is not getting filed under your “I” either. As I said, plagiarism is a serious charge, in or out of the boss’ office.

Good Luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · life · relationships
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Changing up is Hard to Do

January 7, 2010 · 2 Comments

Changes, shifts, and new ways of doing things. If change is the only constant in life, how can it sometimes still be difficult?   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Why is change so hard? I want to but…   — Reluctant Agent

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Dear Reluctant Agent,

As my friend Paul said, “Quitting smoking is easy! I’ve done it four times.” Why is change tough? One word: fear. O h ok, one more: natural.

Fear: of the unknown (including the important lack of role model of the new), threat or pain avoidance, of rejection by current systems and peers, and a failure so deep we might not be able to get out of. My antidote is a mixed metaphor of: what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, and as Ah-nold once said, “If it bleeds we can kill it.” Most reasons for resistance to change fall under this category, but if we can “humanize” the change by learning about it to understand it better, we can conquer the resistance.

(It’s) Natural: healthy skepticism to change (especially when non-optional and thrust upon, as at work) can also be met and satisfied in favor or against by just asking and education— misinterpretation is a sad reason to miss a potentially wonderful change opportunity. It’s natural especially when we let our hu-monkey minds rule our more evolved, responsible and informed minds.

Over our lifetimes, we can discover we have varying degrees of resistance to change on a  0-10 scale. Because not all change is created equally (i.e., incremental change we barely notice over years; paradigm shifts that change the structures (and sometimes belief systems) of our lives (i.e., healthcare reform; women in the workplace), our resistance isn’t always the reason we do or don’t make changes, necessary or desired, successfully or failed attempts.

Once we have decided to make a change, to make it stick, I prescribe to another adage: Success is 10% genius but 90% preparation. Listen, learn, anticipate, form a guiding plan with a goal, leave room for flexibility and as-needed course correction, focus on the process not the goal — helping you help you is sometimes the hardest change of all.

Get out of your own way,

BadWitch

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Dear Reluctant Agent,

As the old aphorism says, “Change is stability.” Why? Because change is the only certainty you can actually count on! That is the nature of evolution, in cells, humanity, pop culture…life.

As humans we like predictability. We like to know when things will happen, how things will happen and the expected fallout from its happening. But life does not give us a Cliff Notes guide so we can prepare ourselves for life’s next scene. The best thing we can do to prepare ourselves for change is to become more confident in yourself and your own abilities to handle anything life throws at you.

Life is like a river flowing towards it ultimate ending. Along the way, we may steer towards the people, activities and careers that interest us, but in the end, whether you call it faith, destiny or God’s will—life will do what it is going to do. We have no control over how or what other people will do, only our reactions to it. We don’t know what political views or pop culture must-haves are going to change the very way we live our lives. All we can know is that we have the tenacity, wherewithal, knowledge and confidence to deal with whatever it is.

Start by writing out a list of qualities you appreciate about yourself. Be sure to include full descriptions of what you appreciate about each quality, including how it helps you cope with life. This list is the first step in you building resilience. You need to have a conscious understanding of how capable you are. You must know it loud and clear, otherwise, each change will cause you to quake in your boots. The quake is really you asking yourself “Can I handle this change?” “Am I capable?” My answer: “Yes, you are. You made it this far didn’t you?”

Part two of resilience and following your intuition. Are there some things you have always thought, “that would be good to know how to do.” Whether it be growing vegetables, herbal medicine, car mechanics or how to shut off the gas after an earthquake—do it. That’s you telling yourself what you want to know to feel more capable. And, frankly, the more capable you feel, the more stable you feel. Even in the face of change. And an aside: you should always know how to turn off the gas or electricity in case of emergency—and get a fire extinguisher. Safety first.

Now, if you really want to float like a butterfly through the uncertainty of change, learn to cope with stress. Stress fueled by fear, will inhibit your ability to deal with changes in a reasonable, calm way. Stress can leave you unable to make necessary decisions and unable to see your best opportunities clearly, a one-two punch of making the best of any change. Cope with your stress, build your resilience and know change is, so don’t fear it, make the most of it. You are capable.

Good Luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · de-stress · life · self-improvement · spirituality · wellness
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Myopia in Career Searchland?

May 4, 2009 · 1 Comment

    blurry.eyechartHappy Monday! In that spirit, let’s just call our current economy and job loss numbers as “funny”, “odd”, and “unusual.” Ehh. Fortunately, many people understand that they can use this time as an opportunity for change. An overused word recently, real change comes with a lot of tried and true…work. Job or career searches and making changes in other areas of our lives often require the same skills. Still, knowing that doesn’t make some actual changes less daunting. Let’s talk about these portable skills, oh and, do go changin’, people!                 — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GW/BW – I consider myself an organized person, but have never been able to create a “focused” approach to any kind of career search. I’ll make it part-way through a life-coaching workshop, and fizzle out in the end. Or some opportunity (or crisis) comes my way, which makes the career change take a lower priority, or I change my mind about pursuing that particular career. Any suggestions for maintaining focus, or building a plan that I can keep returning to? Finding people that are willing to meet for informational interviews seems to be difficult for me as well.         - Unfocused Searcher, Seattle, WA

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Dear Unfocused Searcher,

When organized, go-getting people can’t find something, it’s usually because they don’t want to. Change is inevitable, hard, easy, a part of life, but most of all…change takes time. Fear of the unknown is a biggie. C’mon, we both know you don’t need Tips on How To Stay Focused, sounds like you already are so in many aspects of your life and career. Instead, let’s do a basic checklist of Needs and Wants towards better decision-making.

Ask yourself these questions –

1 – Do you actually need to make a career change? (i.e., is your company is laying off, your industry or skills/interest is drying up, etc.? Your livelihood is directly endangered.)

2 – Do you actually want to make a career change (i.e., after accomplishments in your field (including the often overlooked, successful raising of children), which, if any, talents, skills or interests are now nagging at your mind share and heart?)? Stop here if you answered no. Maybe you were just taking on other people’s angst of searching for more, but you’re actually quite satisfied with your life. Congrats, lucky dawg! If you answered yes, proceed to question 3.

3 – Identify the types of interests that feel unfilled within you. This has nothing to do with making money, this is a passion question. Don’t think, just jot. When absolutely nothing else comes to mind, then organize your list into categories like: artistic, mechanical, technical, healing, athletic, etc. (btw, I think “creative” can be different from “artistic” like being a stylist is different from being a clothing designer).

4 – Connect the dots of intersection to consolidate your list to the most clearly detailed but broad common denominators (i.e., Arts column: writing > Mechanical column: I love rebuilding cars > consolidate to writing about building cars. For this conversation, but moreover at this point in your development, gentle Unfocused, I will just accept at face value that you actually have skills in these areas. See if you can parlay your nagging interests and skills into a paying gig, either full time (career change) or paying hobby (freelance, or even just a passion project on your own time).

5 – Research, educate, refine, be truthful. With yourself. Repeat.

Given this medium, I’m truncating and stopping my schmancy decision-making process list here. Based on your question, I can assume a certain honed level of skills, intelligence, focus and know-how of you already garnered. Now apply those elements to this decision making process, and you will know what to do.

The biggest thing for people like you (yes!, I generally believe generalizations generally are generally right!) is to stop judging and editing yourself too early and often in the process. A “process” is a course of action – the trickiest part of which is to not mix and match your process’s processes. Edit and judge later, you perfectionist nut.

Again, I’ve truncated the process here and…it may be deceptively easy-looking when nothing could be further from the truth. We’re available for telephonic coaching (with email homework). If you do find you need and want some guidance and mentoring for your process this time! Changes are biggies, don’t fool yourself it’s just a lack of skill so you can avoid making changes you Want, darlin’ myopic one. To co-opt a former president’s declaration, remember, you’re The Changer.

I see you,

BW

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Dear Myopic,

The biggest deterrent to creating a focused plan for life improvement is the desire and tenacity to keep going. It is easy to get thrown off track. Life throws so many unexpected curve balls that we often put our life reconstruction on hold just to cope with the new set of circumstances. We falter on our steps forward because we become caught up in the maelstrom of the day. We must decide, rather vow, to take back our lives no matter the circumstances.

Quite often, the issues that throw us off track are not really ours to deal with in the first place. We have to help our kids. We have to give support to our husbands, wives, friends, and colleagues while throwing our own needs to the back of the line. Is this not self-sabotage? The first thing to get straight is whether we are truly willing to make all the difficult choices necessary to make a major life change. Quite often, we fail to recognize how we are unwittingly rewarding ourselves for not making the change. As long as we feel we are getting something out of our present situation, we will not take the steps necessary to change our lives for the better.

What are you getting out of staying stuck? Do you enjoy being the person everyone else depends on? Do you get some satisfaction out of playing the martyr who gives up his or her own dreams for the sake of others?  It’s time to start a journal. Whenever you find yourself losing momentum, ask yourself the tough questions: What am I afraid of? What am I holding onto? Write these out. Getting to the mental blocks that keep you delaying the informational interviews and procrastinating on sending out resumes and cover letters. Self-sabotage starts in the mind and is followed out by the actions or inactions of the body. Get every part of you—body, mind and spirit—invested in the change and you will start to see progress on your follow through.

From a completely basic point of view, start making lists. Set time everyday, preferably at the same time everyday, to accomplish tasks on the New Career List. If that’s a cover letter a day, one informational interview a week and maybe some volunteer time working in your new chosen field, you will see progress. Make your new life change a priority, then make its reality through the habit of daily work. If you can see it, you actually can achieve it, but no one will just hand it to you. You have to be committed to doing the work, whether the rewards happen immediately or take years. Really, the only question to whether or not you can actually have your dreams is: Do you think you are worth the work it will take to achieve that dream? Others may think so, but as always, yours is the deciding vote.

Good luck and happy letter writing,

GoodWitch

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Hear the coaches – Podcasts coming. Talk to the coaches! -  Personal and group coaching available.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · life · self-improvement
Tagged: , , , ,

Dodgeball Ban in Schools: Inbounds or Automatic Out?

April 30, 2009 · Leave a Comment

d'ball.throwWhat are we teaching our next gen of citizens? The mere word “Dodgeball” brings up emotions and memories instantly, like a word association test. Since circa 2001 there’s been a growing movement to ban the PE game in schools. Does Dodgeball promote bullying and violence, or create anti-competitive wimps? Have some schools and educators gone too far by moving to kill an American institution all in the name of PC-love and understanding? This debate is seeing a second wave of interest and noise. Which side are you on? Let’s hear from parents, but especially you teachers out there. Oh…and there’s a poll after class (below).               — BadWitch


Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GW/BW – My daughter’s school is  considering finally banning Dodgeball. My husband is dead set against this, but I’m on the fence. I loved it, but I can see what they mean about teaching our kids good lessons like not bullying and non-violence. On the other hand, why do away with something so traditional? What are your thoughts?   – Dodgy Movement, City/State withheld

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Dear Dodgy Movement,

I am a parent who grew up in the late 70’s. Dodgeball, tag, and floor hockey (with plastic sticks) was all part of the normal Physical Education classes. I have to side with your husband. I love dodgeball, not because I was the best at it or because I was the bully who wanted to pick on smaller kids. I love dodgeball because it is a sport about life. You may be the under-dog, too small or too big and lanky with little coordination (that was me), but you have a skill you can rely on to survive.

For me, I was truly jazzed when the best dodgeball players would throw the ball at me. I knew I could not actually dodge the ball (read: big, lanky kid line), but I could catch the ball. I learned that even if the most popular or the biggest bully came after me, I had the resources to rise above it. I would sink to my knees, take the pain, catch the ball and deliver a resounding, “Ha! You’re out!” Dodgeball taught me that no matter what was stacked against me, I had my own unique skills to win. I wasn’t as small and agile at dodging the ball as some other kids, but I could catch that big red rubber ball. I could survive based on my own talents. That’s an important lesson.

Now, some schools go further than banning dodgeball. They ban any activity in which someone may lose. This means the demise of innocent games like musical chairs. This means everyone gets a medal so no one gets to say, “I’m number one!” How can we take these important life lessons away from our children? We don’t want our kids to lose and we don’t want them to be disappointed, which as a mom, I get. But at the same time that means we are avoiding giving our kids the lessons of how to rise above disappointment. How to grieve a loss of something small—like a game or a spelling bee—accept the lessons inherent in the situation and apply those lessons to do better the next time.

We are a society with a huge problem with perfectionism. We expect it from ourselves and our kids—despite the fact that one of the best lessons in life is failure. Albert Einstein was a horrible student. He failed a number of times. But he was allowed to fail and allowed to learn what he did wrong and what he did right. He could analyze what his strengths and weaknesses were so he knew where to apply himself. In the end, clearly, those lessons paid off. If our own children are not able to experience these lessons when they are children, we are dooming them to an adulthood of disappointment, with no coping skills to fall back on.

We think we are saving our kids by taking away every pain and every hurt. But these are the lessons that shape character. Raising children in a plastic bubble so they don’t have to experience the pain we have felt as children is cutting them off from experiencing life. It may seem like you are just asking about banning a violent game, but in truth, your school is hovering on a societal slippery slope. Take a step back from the edge. Let your children learn the lessons they need to succeed in life. Everyone will not be CEO. Everyone will not be President. Give them the tools to rebound now.

Play ball!

GoodWitch

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Dear Dodgy Mover,

I saw REAL Sports, too! In preparing my serious answer, I Googled “history + of + dodgeball” and was amazed to see that Asian cavemen in 50,000 B.C. invented this fine display of sportsmanship and competition, that our Founding Father and #1 Ranked Dodgeball Player George Washington later perfected. ‘Nuf said. I only wish we would take teaching critical thinking skills in school as seriously as dodgeball.

I personally hated Dodgeball because it’s not suited to my physicality. I’m not sure it fits my definition of “sport”, but am willing to take it at face value as a PE activity or game. Despite that I didn’t like and sucked at it, I am against hiding behind the PC notion that Dodgeball and similar touch-oriented games or activities in school lead to anti-socialism (bullies don’t learn that behavior in class), teaches violence (see football), promotes the notion there are no losers (get a Real Life). Just as in life, not every sport/activity is for everyone. Just as in life, not everyone is equally good at everything. Just as in many phases of life, Dodgeball borders on one of those rites of passage that must be endured or enjoyed, achieving near-bar mitzvah or prom status! It helps kids figure out what they are good at, how to deal with things they don’t like, how to help others who are weaker than them, and how to play fairly and within the lines.

Dodgeball (much less Tag and high-fiving!) should not be banned in schools. A healthy America cannot thrive by generating more over emotionally-charged, unrealistic whiners who think they are owed something more by merely existing and breathing the carbon dioxide of those hard workers who have firsthand experience and smarts about what consistent elbow grease, good attitude and self-determination it takes to get to Self-Actualization at the top of the Maslow’s Hieracrchy of Needs pyramid. And I am not equating “success” with “money” or any such external rewards exclusively, I’m talking about successfully being or dating a, or living or working with future ex-Dodgeball champs and survivors.

No Dodging Life is for the Living,

BW

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Hear the coaches – Podcasts coming. Talk to the coaches! -  Personal and group coaching available.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · de-stress · family · life · self-improvement
Tagged: , , , , ,