Good Witch / Bad Witch

Entries tagged as ‘financial’

Charity of the Heart. A Donation or Fundraising for Every One

January 28, 2010 · 2 Comments

What if you want to give back but don’t have or want to donate cash or your time? Reaching out and touching someone’s life.    — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Now that I have more down time (looking for work, but I’m not fiscally strapped), I would like to finally get around to giving back. My problem is I don’t really like groups and don’t see myself volunteering. I already know how to give money, what else can someone like me do?  — Sort of Giving

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Dear Sort of Giving,

That’s aswesome. I love that a “giving spirit” can still be embodied in someone who isn’t Warren Buffett or overly social. Caring comes in many packages. Nice modeling, Sort of Giving.

Face time and money are only two needs agencies and causes could do with — and don’t forget the old adage: Charity starts at home. Do you have any elderly, incapacitated or just-needs-a-hand neighbors or friends/family who you could help? That’s not just “a favor” given the average time-strapped schedule….or fear of “meddling.” Ask briefly, try to be consistent with the efforts.

I bet your skills list is still an untapped source of wealth that you can dip into and share from. Maybe you’re great at IT or something domestic (e.g., baking/for profits or pleasure or cooking for sustenance, sewing/mending and costumes, or similar like running errands for lots of folks or just one at a time in your vehicle), or bookkeeping/accounting or other fundamentally important administrative function necessary to keep any organization running smoothly. Organizing or coordinating are big time skills that someone’s supplies closet, computer file systems, or committees could use. Coordinating rides to doctors or mall walks for seniors/patients/any special interest group could be a godsend to overworked, understaffed folks. Would even putting in one more hour of what you do for a living for someone gratis would kill ya?, then check out your neglected hobbies and interests. Can you get bike rides, kite flies or hikes going? Enjoy reading? Could you use Garage Band or some other software to record some book podcasts for groups’ libraries and just give them to them?

Loosen up your Thinking Cap’s grip on your right brain and storm up your own godgiven talents, and then hands to it. It’s a direct path to your great heart that’s just waiting to be shared. Just start!

Share yourself,

BadWitch

P.S. Haiti.

Find charitable relief you can trust.

http://www.crushitcharity.com/.

This Animal Whisperer says don’t forget the animals of Haiti.

==

Dear Sort of Giving,

In the immortal words of Vince Vaughn, “I like where your head is at!”

Giving takes many forms and does not only mean writing a check or hammering nails and giving out food. Donation and volunteering can take on many forms, but they all start with someone just wanting life to be a little more bearable for those who could use a hand.

You can give back by standing up for what you know is right. By supporting political action you can lend your voice to causes that you care about . Signing petitions online from reputable organizations like Feeding America, MoveOn.org, ACLU can help further legislation that can makes a difference. Sign up to receive email alerts and you can easily decide which campaigns deserve your signature and which do not—from the ease of your computer. Stopping in the grocery store parking lot to sign the petition to help groups get their legislation on the ballots helps shape the country live in through the prescribed channels set down by our forefathers. You as democracy in action can help change the world. And truly, every voice, every signature, every vote counts.

There are ways to volunteer without jumping into the middle of the crowd. Can you do some shopping? Buy some clothes for kids? SleepTrain Help Foster Children program has drives to collect kids’ clothing throughout the year. Sponsor a child through organizations like Save the children [link: Savethechildren.org] or Children Incorporated and watch how you improve a child’s life, health and education. A good friend of mine sponsored a child in Venezuela. She corresponded with the child and even went to visit. She felt like she was able to be that mentor/distant aunt who helped shape a more promising future for a little soul.

Now, of course, there is another avenue, we have not yet discussed. You are seeking work. Why not mix business and pleasure? Working for a non-profit whose work you believe in will allow you to use your skills to make money and help improve conditions in the world around you. Review the job board at Opportunity Nocs and see if this urge to give back may not be a call towards a new road of employment.

Good Luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · life · money · relationships · self-improvement · spirituality · wellness
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Have Fun, Build Credit on a Budget?

January 18, 2010 · Leave a Comment

How do you get started or maintain good credit these days? Can you live it up and still live by your means?   — BadWitch

Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day – stockmarket closed.

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — How can I stay safe and sane on the money front? I’ve got a good paying, crappy full-time job (but will have to give it up for a slightly lower paying entry level one in my field, if I can get one!), am graduating college this spring, and other than my student loan, believe it or not I have very little credit card debt (around $3500) that I pay more than the minimums on. I want to stay conservative but not totally have no life. Thanks.  — Green Grad

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Dear Green Grad,

Wow, feeling a little down about where you are now and where you want to be going, huh. This is no way to start off a whole, new section of your life.  I get being realistic about your possibilities in this market, but your tone, frankly, sounds pessimistic about where you are now and future possibilities.

Want to get to the finish line feeling good about who you are and what you’ve achieved in life? Stop rushing to the I’m-suppose-to-achieve-by-the-time-I’m-30 finish line. Appreciate where you are now and enjoy it, then it easier to plot your way forward.

Reality check. In this economy, no job that feeds your belly and keeps you with a roof over your head is a “crappy” job? I know a Ph.D. currently working in a bookstore and glad for the paycheck. Our culture has been blinded since Archie Bunker’s plaid working-class and JJ’s “dy-no-mite” housing projects lifestyles were replaced by Dynasty’s big shoulder, designer labels. Life is not what you do for a living or what you spend your money on. Focus on finding the positives wherever you can find them. There’s no finish line. Life is a series of connected moments. Make the most of each one.

Now, with this new half-full outlook, realizing how lucky you are: no kids, supporting only yourself and with a viable income and young and cheap enough for employers in your field to want to hire you. Nice. So, how about your wallet?

1. Pay Yourself First. Every check, put 10%-15% into savings immediately. That way you build up more (pick one: freedom, stability, money, choices) for yourself with every check you collect from this current job and have more of a cushion to open up choices for the next step in your career.

2. Buy According to What You Need, Not What Will Impress Someone Else. Listen, if the only way you can get someone to be interested in you is to have the right phone, the right car, the right shoes—GET RID OF THEM. Make buying choices based on making yourself happy—not in the moment—but in the long run. If you love the expensive shoes and will wear them happily and comfortably for the next 2 years, that’s a good investment. If the Jimmy Choo shoes are uncomfortable, but cute and will wind up under the bed, but so-and-so will choke on there sushi when they see…bad investment. Those shoes will limit your spending choices moving forward. (Substitute any possible consumer good for Jimmy Choo example.)

Still need more money management ideas? Check out these earlier GWBW posts. They say downsizing, which means how you balance having money, having stuff and having a life.

Happy Trails,

GoodWitch

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Dear Green Grad,

Props on being aware and diligent about your own credit worthiness and financial health! Everything in it is a metaphor for the state of our life; our finances mirror our general emotional and practical wellbeing. All things are connected, so if you become more and more responsible and alert through action — which isn’t synonymous with a gloom and doom existence! — it becomes very hard to not reflect that ease and grace more so in most parts of your life.

We’re not financial specialists so consult the appropriate professionals if your situation now or comes to require it. Otherwise, I recommend the classic rules of personal money management: pay yourself first (designate a percentage of each paycheck to your savings before all other commitments), pay off your debts (assuming finance rates charged you are higher than the rates of return on your investments. This will help raise your credit score, and (free) check your three credit scores the beginning of every year for general info as well as correcting any possible inaccuracies over the year), and despite what my hero Oscar Wilde said (shows no imagination..ha ha!) by all means live within your means. The latter is the bane of many people’s financial life.

Don’t assume but definitely account for that lower starting salary in your field you’re anticipating. First do the research to find out specifically what that means in dollars and cents, and adjust your monthly nut accordingly by that percentage drop now. But…you can live well by living smart; create small term goals for your finances like for vacation, school books, monthly entertainment budget — and stick to them coming (saving) and going (spending). A friend was successful with my suggestion to teach her kids about the value of taxes by having them put a small set percentage of their allowance into the House Tax, which ends up funding family pizza and movie night, or similar. Adapt this plan for your own lifestyle expenditures and make sure you stick to it for maximum enjoyment!

We get more out of life when we know (self-examine) more about our life. This includes understanding well our personal priorities (Bill Gates was known to regularly refuse the Presidential suites automatically held for him, but gathered a partner to buyout the Four Seasons Hotels, Inc.) — I advised another recent college grad not to get used to a lifestyle she’d have to make career decisions to support, but make choices to support building her career (her priority then) with ease and flexibility. Now she’s a happy careerist homeowner.

Budgeting and spending don’t have to be painful experiences, or negative words when we see the Big Picture. And this is how our lives begin to look better, we feel more in control and go from stressed survival to thriving and fully living.

Save & live for yourself,

BadWitch

==

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · life · money · self-improvement · spirituality
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Not Your Daddy’s ‘Mad Men’: Working Mom, House Husband

December 22, 2009 · 19 Comments

New American Family v.3.5: mama brings home the bacon, daddy fries it up in a pan, and he never, never forgets he’s his own man. Nice upgrade!  — BadWitch P.S. Happy holidays, lovely readers! We’ll see you back here Monday.


Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — My wife loves her job, is very successful and I’m a stay-at-home-dad while I’m figuring out what I want to do next with my own career. My guy friends seem to be telling me to hurry up so I don’t lose my manly edge, do you agree? — Manly Dad

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Dear Manly Dad,

Hey, Mr, Man, are your “guy friends” married, otherwise, what do their relationships look like? If your wife is happy on the home and work front, your family is rolling down the road smoothly with you at that helm from “9-to-5” (yeah right!) then I hope you won’t rush your search at the expense of another valuable experience you might not be able to get back — especially based on advice of those who may not practice what they preach.

I commend you for being uber-manly and supporting your wife’s success without any seeming issues there. Your kids and you will benefit from getting to know each other in a way not always afforded fathers and their children. If you’re genuinely happy about your role and decision to put your family first in all the ways that’s possible to you, I thank you in advance for our society at large! Last but definitely not least, I’m thrilled you’re taking time to explore and develop your own ideas about what career will serve you best. Your guy friends in question must not be doing work they love, or they’d know there’s no hurrying up this process to good effect. Get to know yourself — you’ll be a better husband, father and careerist in the long run for doing that work!

As for that “losing your manly edge” warning your seemingly insecure, scurrying friends brandish, a Real Man will always have an edge even if he were the Michelin Man on the outside.

Man up, be fully you,

BadWitch

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Dear Manly Dad,

In this economy rushing is NOT the right answer. If you are stepping back out into job market—this job market—you need to take the time to really decide where and how you want to step back in. So, no, don’t rush because your boys are threatened by this new definition of “manly” you are presenting them with.

In truth, the job of staying at home with kids is nothing to sneeze at. You are honing patience, multitasking and creativity skills on an hourly basis. You are learning how to work your audience to excite, to quiet, to inspire. And though this may not seem like much, lemme tell you, those new skills are SUPER important in the working world. It’s called PR/marketing training with a little sensitivity thrown in. Clients, coworkers and, yes, bosses, will eat it up. If you jump into sales, oh yes, these are great skills to have.

The fact that your kid(s) have you at home when Mom is working full time, is a blessing. Also for you, already having a working budget with you able to take the time to decide how you will re-enter the job market—huge blessing. Take this time and use it wisely. Work with a coach. Take some time to really decide what you want to do with your career. This time is a blessing. Wring out every ounce of the gift. Then, when yu are truly ready, you’ll be well-prepared for the next stage of your career.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Image, Dr. Timothy A. Pychyl

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · de-stress · family · happiness · health · life · love · relationships · self-improvement · spirituality · wellness
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Revenue Enhancement, Cosmetic Surgery?

December 21, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Some people would give their eye-teeth, but this reader wants to get a new nose and teeth.  So while it’s a guaranteed revenue booster — for his plastic surgeon and dentist! — will these cosmetic tweaks improve his own sales career’s bottom line?

— BadWitch

PS See you back here one day earlier on Wednesday.


Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Should I get a nose job and veneers to improve my career? I’m in sales. I do pretty well, but could always do better. — Bottom Line

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Dear Bottom Line,

The ROI on improved teeth and nose work, eh!, not as easily definable a career investment like an MBA/masters, or a computer, but it could be considered a tool of your trade and you always want the sharpest tools in your belt. Having said that, I have no idea if you’re actually any good at being, nor what “doing pretty well” as a sales person means to you. Tools are only as good as the hands they’re in. If nothing else, there’s the potential tax write-off benefit; consult with the right tax professional for you.

A smile is worth a million bucks. Give or take the dollar’s fluctuation, in this economy. No matter whether your smile is your fortune, or just your personal calling card to the world, your smile usually is the barometer of your spirit and how you really feel about yourself. [And for any shy or less confident readers: Fake it till you make it includes smiling and this retrains your thoughts and eventually your brain. Smile your way to more confidence.] So if getting veneers makes you feel more genuinely confident about your choppers, then get them. As for your schnoz, unless it’s a physical impediment (like the most commonly cited deviated septum), or it really, truly keeps you from living your best life — don’t silhouette profile yourself (as lesser than).

I’m not against cosmetic surgery across the board so if you’re concerned about business and revenue, talk to your sales manager and CPA for their take on your individual situation. But if this is a question about how you feel about yourself, then I say work on building your actual self-esteem (and this may include some healthy and real confidence that comes from knowing your smile winningly conveys the real you inside). Otherwise a “quick” fix that comes with post-op black eyes and held together with glue, could just end up being a superficial (and possibly shifting) thing, at best.

First be real…with yourself,

BadWitch

==

Dear Bottom Line,

Why do you think you have to alter you features to be successful? Nose jobs and veneers don’t always improve people’s looks. Case and point: Hilary Duff.

You want to make more money and a better impression on future clients? Self-esteem is the best idea. Confidence is incredibly attractive. I know I’ve said it before, but the truth never changes. We all know the woman or guy who is not necessarily attractive, but has the confidence and charisma to make everyone react like they are cover models. Confidence is beautiful and works better than rhinoplasty in attracting new clients. Need another example, how about Clive Owen. OK looking with skin issues, but considered one of the sexiest man alive because he has confidence and talent out of control. Daniel Craig, another Hollywood Heart throbs, has never let his broken nose slow down his success.

You want success in sales? Start with brain training techniques and affirmations that program you for success. Just as athletes visualize themselves making the shot again and again to program their body memory to make the shot., you need to visualize yourself selling. See yourself bantering with clients easily. See people saying yes to you. See yourself succeeding. Train your body memory to be at ease, confident and selling successfully. Then put on an outfit that makes you feel confident and go work it.

Use that extra cash on more affective marketing—social network and/or traditional. Make sure people know that you are the one to buy that product from. Remember, you can sell yourself to make money, but in the end, you will have crippled your spirit. Frankly, it’s not worth the cost.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · happiness · health · life · self-improvement
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When is In-office Fundraising Out of Bounds?

December 14, 2009 · 2 Comments

Everyholiday season request for donations go up. That’s expected for the Season of Giving, but what if your supervisor asks you to support his kids’ PeeWee endeavors all year long? Giving back some of your mind.     — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I have a supervisor who always sells crap for his kids’ school. Where’s the line of obligation and suckerdom? — Diabetic Soon

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Dear Diabetic Soon,

Ah!, office politics. Nice. Goes well with pie but little else. If you’re like most people you want to give a token of support to your supervisor, but don’t let this arrangement make you feel like you’ve been taken for a ride personally. Here’s my gently-used donation to you: be straight up with your supervisor. I would gently remind her/him of your salary’s limitations (especially in times like these when everyone’s (including school) budgets have been hard hit) by pointing out that if you supported every good cause you actually wanted to, there’s going to be a car wash to support you that s/he better show up to! Then I would state the annual cap on your willing support – whatever number you want to give and doesn’t impede your budget. If it feels easier for you to break that annual number out to quarterly giving (pre-chat, tally up your last year’s in-office donations and I think you’ll be shocked how much those “small contributions” added up to) then do so, not exceeding your own annual limit. Decide. Commit. Do not allow yourself to feel guilty or ashamed that this amount that you worked so hard for, to give away to support someone else out of your sense of sharing, is too low or “not enough” – remember: zero is a viable option.

If, as you say, this supervisor feels so constantly free to cross the donation line at work, then s/he is either a very gung-ho but tunnel visioned parent, or s/he is A-ok with and willfully leveraging her/his power over you. Water seeks its depth and a supervisor who shows such little common sense or respect tends to languish at her/his own level (except at a company that mirrors such values; another subject).

If all that’s too much for you, then check your employee handbook or ask HR (you don’t have to mention names) what, if any, company policy there is governing in-office solicitations. Then helpfully share this newfound information with your supervisor as a supportive ‘I just found this out, too’-gift. Who knows, maybe s/he actually didn’t know.

All good things within limits,

BadWitch

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Dear Diabetic Soon,

Well, I must state the obvious. Just because your supervisor is selling doesn’t mean you have to buy. Your boss’ fundraising for his kids school is much needed these days. School budgets have been cut to the bone. I know in my children’s school the amount of volunteer hours has gone up across the board, because the school does not have the resources they did, even last year.

That being said, your donation to the cause is not a requirement of employment. Don’t let guilt—or some misguided attempt to impress your boss—put a whole in your wallet or increase your sugar intake. I’m not suggesting you be a Scrooge, because, as I said, the school’s extra fundraising helps buy books, fund computers and, in some cases, keep sports and arts programs going. However, buy what works for you, not everything.

In donations, like living expenses, create a budget. Know how much you can afford to contribute to worthy causes. Then, decide how much of that you would like to forward to your supervisor’s fundraising activities. Spread out those buys over the year, choosing the one’s that intrigue you. You figure, chocolate can go in a gift basket at the holidays. I remember once we sold holiday candles, which works well for stocking stuffers or funny gifts for co-workers. Believe me, it’s an inside joke they’ll all get.

In others words, the little you do can help a lot. But give from a place of wanting to help, not wanting to suck up. The truth is, we can all tell when someone offers us something in some disingenuous bid to up their ranking. It’s called brown nosing and it’s not attractive. On the other hand, donating from the heart, caring about how the dollars are spent and how they help…that will give you big props with your boss—and karma points too. So, make your budget, then dig a little deeper and give from the heart.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Image, Universal Studios Home Distribution

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · de-stress · life · money · self-improvement
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Scrooged! Ghost of Christmas Budget Got You Dispirited?

December 7, 2009 · 12 Comments

It’s baaack! Christmas gift giving season this year is especially challenging for many people. Turns out “budget” may be the new “charge!” Giving with chutzpah from the heart.   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — My hours at work were cut. I can’t afford the same presents for the holidays as I could before. I know this is stupid of me but I can’t help myself. I’m kind of ashamed. Do you have suggestions for gifts or how I can just relax about this? I know I’m being stupid.    — Less Mistletoe

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Dear Less Mistletoe,

No matter what you celebrate — Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Solstice, Yule — there is going to be less greenery for many people this year. With, unemployment estimates at more than 15 million people and the number of cutbacks those lucky enough to keep their jobs, Santa will be delivering more tradition and less goodies. There is no reason to fee ashamed. You are trying your best to provide the best Christmas experience possible for your family.

This does not mean that you can’t enjoy a beautiful and bright holiday. On the contrary there are some great, less expensive ways to make the holiday bright. First off, know your budget. If you are spending money on a live Christmas tree — STOP! Invest in a nice artificial tree that you can reuse year after year. The savings will continue to feed your budget for years to come.

Mix homemade and store bought presents under the tree this year. Granddad and Grandmom will be quite happy with a scrapbook of pictures and art work from the kids. Trust me, big hit. Handmade handbags, pillowcases or sleeping bags for the Barbies are easy to sew and keepsakes you and the kids will treasure. Beaded jewelry, mosaic tiles for the garden, any number of easy to do crafts will delight your present openers.

For store bought gifts under the tree, I suggest online shopping CyberMondays for extra savings and check all brands for rebates before making your purchase. This can save you extra cash on big purchases. Also, check out coupons available online . Do your research. You may find what you want on EBay for less. Check second hand stores like CrossRoads Trading Company for high-end fashion items ready for a second life. Listen, no one will say no to a Kenneth Cole leather jacket in great condition because you found it used for under $40. A good buy is a good buy. Remember the old, “need to know basis” rule. For the most part, your giftees need not know.

Remember, Christmas isn’t about how much stuff you have to give or what you get. In truth, the best present you can give your family is your love and attention. It’s the gift Santa can’t bring that they will remember for years to come.

Happy Holidays,

GoodWitch

==

Dear Mistletoe less is more,

In the immortal words of my late night (TV, that is) boyfriend Craig Ferguson, “If you want to avoid the stress of Christmas, become Jewish.” In the best of times, the commercial holiday gift giving season can suck big shiny ornaments! “They” frame Black Friday as consumers supporting retail businesses supporting America. Really?, for once in your patriotic, generous life why not avoid the usual 11th Circle of Shopping Hell  and just give…of yourself?

I’ve been bestowed with some pretty darn nice gifts over my lifetime, but the ones that immediately pop to mind are the yummy tangerines in a cute (and no doubt inexpensive by the gross) wire basket I still use daily in my schmancy kitchen, and the hand-computer produced calendar another friend made for me. Beautiful!, and although it was gorgeous looking, I’m referring to the personal nature of the gift itself. Hate fruit? Untalented boob? Remember, some of the things we blow off because they come easily for us in life are the high quality gems of genius in other’s eyes. So just think about what comes naturally for you to create, do, enjoy eating, and those probably most accurately represent the authentic you that your friends and family know and love. DIY this Christmas. Write and gild a poem, or bind a short story. Pull together a themed photo CD of pictures taken on your phone camera. Create coupons for services you’re good at, auto repair, tech support, cooking or running time-saving errands. No time like the present. Get it?

Lastly, check your own gift receiving judgment before projecting it on others you’re giving to. Christmas with a budget doesn’t have to be feared.

It’s recess(ion) time,

BW

==

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · de-stress · life · spirituality
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Behind Bars: Stay at Home Mom Regret?

November 1, 2009 · 2 Comments

crib-prisonWhether rockin’ that cradle or back to working the job, we’ve all had second thoughts about major decisions we’ve made. Sometimes even a good home girl’s just gotta flee the crib to feel herself again.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I recently had a baby and chose to be a stay at home mom. My question is wrapped around guilt, did I shortchange myself, does this mean I don’t love my kids, and then there’s the resentment in my marriage that suddenly shifted to one person having a little more power and decision making. I am just regretting, regretting…everything and nothing!  — Pot of Regret

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Dear Pot of Regret,

Stop beating yourself up! How on Earth could you have known you would not enjoy life as a stay at home mom? You cannot know until you try. Now you just need to balance out what you enjoy about the at home mom role and perhaps balance out a bit of the stay.

You are not shortchanging your kids because you are not June Cleaver. Let’s face it, June probably wasn’t that happy. A valium prescription does not make a good mommy. Figure out what you love and create a schedule that works for you and the family.

When I tried to be a stay at home mom after my first child, I went nuts. I loved my daughter, but by God how many times can you count toes and sing the choo-choo song? I wanted more. I, too, also noticed the slip of spending power out of my hands. “I’m making the money. I should have the final say.” I don’t agree. Neither, I believe would a court, but I digress. For me, there was a general sense of malaise, an idea that my personal worth could be summed up in successful naps and diapers changes. This does not mean I love my kids any less. It does mean, however, I cannot attempt to raise happy kids if I am unfulfilled and unhappy in trying to take care of them.

Part time work or shared jobs that allow you to balance your time away from home are excellent substitutes for this full time stay at home mom routine. And, of course, any work you can do from home (telecommuting) is ideal. But I tell you now it is a challenge to balance phone meetings and crying babies.

In short, stop the regret. Now you have enough information to make a decent decision. Now, pick yourself up. Make a decision about what you want and get started. You as a fulfilled, empowered mom makes for happier, well adjusted children.

Where there’s a will. There is a way,

GoodWitch

==

Dear Pot of Regret,

Yo, mama, give yourself a break! You are nose-deep in a sea of changes including new and heightened excitement, hormones, emotions and real world concerns.  What obviously is working for you here is your big brain that is you trying to take care of yourself. Guilt schmilt, this is you thinking things through, considering the angles. Unfortunately you’ve also got that grey noodle working against you in the over-thinking department. Let’s try to get your worries transferred out and some more innate talent promoted here.

First stay calm. You’re in a big change of life, lifestyle and life stage. And then…you’re in the midst of the “life” you had been anticipating for months, but had no experience with – how would you know until you tried? Uncharted territory is often a scary place — three or four of them at once can easily feel like your very own Bermuda Triangle. Separate out all the different aspects of your life and see how you feel about each: woman, wife, mother, and this new employment status. As a woman it’s great you had the opportunity to check out whether you will continue to want to be a stay at home mom. You’ll get to know your child and vice versa – and yourself!, you’re learning on your own curve. This chapter of your life could add to your depth and give your character some texture you couldn’t learn in school. As a wife, you and hubster should honestly discuss your real concerns – especially around the shift in your dynamic. I personally would never enter this shift without voicing my concerns that I need to maintain equal voices in all things financial (whatever that looked like in your relationship before). If your finances are shared equally, this makes this conversation a tad easier. As a new mother you’re learning all sorts of things you didn’t know you had to learn. Both my parents always worked outside the home and I was a latchkey kid early on with a ton of (eyes-on, hands-off “village”) supervision – in me, it nurtured a sense of self-reliance against an unbroken context of love and support. Hope you learn you deserve to be happy somewhere between homeroom and home ec because you’ll impart that lesson to your kids.

Finally, some or none of your situation needs to look like it does today, forever. No need to have or keep regret when you’re still early out on this journey, stay at home mom. Be positive through right focus and happy in this lovely time! Having goals for yourself (examples only: stay at home for first three years; volunteering or going back to school, etc.) yet staying fluid in life is key. No one but you will know best what’s right for you and your family – but you have to be truthful with yourself at each turn. There’s no set map for where you’re going, mama mia.

Go forth, explorer,

BW

==

Image, Missy Vix TM

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · de-stress · family · happiness · life · self-improvement · spirituality · wellness
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Living Wills. Quality of Life Matters.

August 31, 2009 · Leave a Comment

blue skypicketfence.origDo you know someone who’s not going to die?, or if they’re lucky, get older in the mean time? Nope. Then you should ideally take care of business now. Not everyone needs everything. Here are a few of those confusing life and death documents and what they mean to you.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Can you tell me what a Living Will is and why I need one? What does “durable” power attorney mean? My brother, sister and I are starting to have to deal with aging parents and these types of phrases keep coming up. I normally feel control in life, but it’s scary stuff.  — Diligent Daughter

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Dear Diligent Daughter,

I’m not an attorney, but a decade ago successfully lobbied all the parents in my family to get Living Wills and Living Trusts while no one was ill and money was no issue. Everyone involved is happier now and breathing just a tad easier knowing these tools are in place. But it’s important to keep in mind that it’s not just seniors who benefit. The definitions around Wills and Trusts can be confusing so I’ll try to give just the most basic explanations here.

Living Wills -  (also known as Advanced Healthcare Directives) written legally binding instructions given for care in case of incapacitation or grave illness. Some people who are great candidates for a Living Will: parents of young and underage children, pet guardians/owners, people with disease-inclined family medical histories.

Living Trust – is to protect your assets you want transferred to heirs and avoid Probate. Each state sets its own minimum asset level, below which there is no Probate. Not everyone needs a Living Trust. In other words this is to avoid higher death taxation rates and property and/or assets tied up in court for years.

Durable Power of Attorney – allows an individual to name someone to act in their stead in legal or business matters. Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare, or Healthcare Proxy Appointment are what they sound like, someone named to act on behalf of an incapacitated individual in healthcare decisions.

Trustee – legal term referring to an individual holder of property on behalf of a beneficiary. Most people name themselves, but can name another party(-ies, who must also accept the responsibility legally) in the event they are unable or refuse to act on their own behalf (i.e., a less capable surviving spouse).

All this was clear as mud for me the multiple times the various types of documents were explained to me and I’m not easily intimidated — but believe me, once you have to deal with this, you won’t likely be confused again. I was naively surprised (it’s “just business”) the hot buttons pushed and how emotional this talk made everyone involved. Death, taxes, illness, aging and family dynamics (when they’re healthy!) aint’ easy, how’s-the-weather subjects! But don’t allow this to let you wait until you are forced to learn it — potentially a very expensive lesson, plus you will be stressed out and less able to focus then. Do some research and chat with professionals (most will give you some level of free consultation) take care of business now when money and health of family members is not an issue. Talking about quality of life (e.g., DNRs), and money openly and honestly as a family or other related unit is not rude, greedy or “for rich people,” but to be highly functional and responsible to each other and yourself. Once it’s all squared away, your happy family will be able to enjoy each other the most it ever was able to…

Striving for Less Stress, More Life…eternally,

BW

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Dear Diligent Daughter,

Living wills and power of attorney will help you stay in control. This, I can speak to with certainty, having just put all this into place for my parents.

My father was entering the hospital for serious surgery. Though, at 85 any surgery is serious. We realized then that we needed to clarify which child would take care of legal/financial concerns and who would take the lead with doctors. We coordinated all this to make it easier to divide the onslaught of work necessary to coordinate selling their house, moving them into assisted living, etc.

Once those details were coordinated, we focused on getting living wills in place to ensure that should any sudden crisis emerge we were ready. We did not want to wait until something happened and we were all too emotional to think clearly. Since we had established that I should interface with doctors and my sister would handle legal/financial, we easily split tasks. She put together the living will. I was named as the person who would make medical decisions.

We also had the opportunity to talk to our parents NOW to be sure we knew their wishes. Did they want doctors to go to any length to keep them alive if, God forbid, something should happen? What we discovered from these conversations is that even my parents were not on the same page. My mother was willing to go to any lengths to keep my father alive, though my father did not want to be resuscitated if it meant he would be on life support. We were able to talk these very difficult issues through, as a family, and come up with a plan that everyone could agree on. If you don’t have these conversations you cannot expect the rest of your family to know your wishes.

In the end, dividing the work has been great. My parents’ doctors, nurses, etc. knew I was the person to speak to. I even got a call from my mother’s home care nurse on her first day so we could discuss what she was needed to help with beyond checking vitals, etc. Also, now as we note some inconsistencies in my mother’s ability to deal with bills and other day-to-day issues, we are more able to step in (power of attorney granted to sister) to take care of this business. Funny enough, my dad’s nurses called me the Medical Advocate so many times some of them forgot I was his daughter as well. I didn’t mind if it meant my dad got all the care he needed—which he has.

Listen, living wills and power of attorneys are scary because none of us want to think of our parents as getting older and needing to be cared for. These are our providers. But I can tell you, it is immensely satisfying to know that our parents provided for—no matter what unforeseeable events happen down the road. Once the initial flurry of paperwork and research is done, you’ll feel better and back in control too.

GoodWitch

Photo by Janet Leadbeater.

Hear the coaches – Podcasts coming. Talk to the coaches! -  Personal and group coaching available.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · de-stress · family · life · money · relationships
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Cash for Clunkers: Carmic Confusion?

August 17, 2009 · 2 Comments

car.trashbinThis downturned economy is rich in controversial programs, if nothing else. Cars and cash can be like oil and water, depending on your views.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — What do I do if I don’t qualify for the Cash for Clunkers program? My car is a 1992 Toyota coming up on 200,000 miles but it gets great gas mileage! My driving miles will be dropping off drastically (I moved) from now on, but I feel ripped off (again!) by another government program that doesn’t help me directly. I would like a new car more than need one. What do you guys think about all this crap? — Car Crash

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Dear Car Guy,

I know, right? Forgive how emo this one has me, too;  I may not be very objective here. My knowledge is sketchy on the CARS program’s qualifications but what I do know makes me tend to agree with your general frustration, Car-ee. My same tax bracket cousin benefited from this program and I am still working on letting go that she got over but I can’t — and I am not a jealous person! This thing is complicated, isn’t it? In CAR’s case, it is about the mileage not the miles!

The qualifications bug me. I’m sure they’re not about the good of the environment but are about getting the ailing auto companies some help. The latter is kind of ok with me, but I don’t like being sold a bill of goods. I’m thinking that your 200K miles has nothing to do with anything except qualifying your own annoyance (or anger) at missing out on “another government program” – you’re going to have to figure out what you’re specifically so mad about  (i.e., part of the shrinking middle class?, etc.) then begin to work it out of your system (I know you and I both would benefit from making this effort for ourselves). They only consider the MPG of your vehicle when it was new, so drive your vehicle through their charts and see if your 1992 Toyota qualifies for the program and pleasantly surprises you (I hope so!).

Based on what you report, you don’t need subsidized new fabulosity on wheels due to your move and less driving, so sell your car and put that cash toward a newer used one (2 years old is most ideal from a depreciation standpoint, but whatever works for your circumstances is even better) for the basics. Doesn’t sound like a hot, flashy car is that important to you, but that you feel like so many people, angry at this downturn, and dashed expectations even though you may have done most if not all things right – I understand, brother. Focus on reframing that instead of the CARS program’s design flaws. Figure out what you can do to feel less squished in the middle, left out and behind by the people who were supposed to take better care of us all, and instead work on taking care of yourself even better by reevaluating your priorities and what’s truly important to your life. I don’t mean to sound trite and I don’t mean there is no blame to assign outside of yourself — just, you will more likely frustrate yourself longer if that’s what you focus on.

Drive on,

BW

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Dear Cash for Clunkers,

Yours is a difficult question. There are so many variables that might change my answer. Do you have the money for a new car without causing unnecessary financial stress on yourself? If you have the reserves of cash, which includes your reserves in case of emergency (say 3-6 months living expenses worth), then this Cash for Clunkers deal may be a blessing from above.

Cash for Clunkers offers $4500 for your used car. A 1992  Toyota Camry is worth anywhere from $1000 to $3000 depending on amenities and condition. Check Kelley Blue Book to know the trade-in value of your vehicle. The CARS program (Car Allowance Rebate System) offers $3500 to $4500 for cars when used toward the purchase of one of 78 approved low fuel mileage vehicles. You do the math.

The issue for you (with the presumption that you have 3-6 months security cushion in the bank) is whether your car meets the standards for trade in. Your “great” gas mileage may keep you away from this government stimulus package.

  • have been manufactured less than 25 years before the date you trade it in and, in the case of a category 3 vehicle, must also have been manufactured not later than model year 2001
  • have a “new” combined city/highway fuel economy of 18 miles per gallon or less
  • be in drivable condition
  • be continuously insured and registered to the same owner for the full year preceding the trade-in

But if you still like your car and it is driving well with little need for repairs, don’t be too rushed to trade in your vehicle. A new car depreciates an estimated $5000 in the first year!  A better deal is to buy a used car in excellent condition (have it checked by a mechanic first) that’s 5-10 years old.  Your reduced trade in value will have more bang for your buck—even at the reduced value compared to the CARS program.

Remember, the average Millionaire Next Door owns a non-status used car in excellent condition. Look at the reasons why you want a new car. Do you need a new car or are you seeking to upgrade your status along with that new car smell? Now you can decide what is best for you and your budget. But I leave you with these words from wise multi-millionaire W.W. Allen, “If your goal is to become financially secure, you’ll likely attain it…But if your motive is to make money to spend money on the good life, you’re never gonna make it.”

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Hear the coaches – Podcasts coming. Talk to the coaches! -  Personal and group coaching available.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · life · money
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School Daze and Other Blurry Visions

June 8, 2009 · Leave a Comment

graduate-1What I learned in school: having many degrees doesn’t make some people smart. Don’t get me wrong, I am not anti-education, just pro-formal education and School of Life. The other thing I believe I learned is that most people of this adult generation and their kids, have that Question Authority thing down. Next. The most help we can offer the kids in our lives is to make them comfortable with honestly questioning themselves more often, and not coddling them from themselves.

— BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GW/BW – I’m 17 and will be a senior in September. I have good grades and am artisitc. I want to major in Liberal Arts and my #1 school is Loyola Marymount. That’s all I know for now. We just found out a study said that 85% of college students average six years to complete their undergrad degree. I still don’t know for sure what I want to do, what major, etc. My parents have four years of tuition for me. They totally support whatever I do, and I’m not panicking but trying to think ahead a little bit and wanted your opinions. Thanks! - Artistic Daughter

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Dear Artistic Daughter,

Sounds like your ideal and those study numbers concern California specifically (the rest of the country averaged more like 62% for same!). I graduated college in California a long time ago in a galaxy far away, and our schools are so impacted we were on this trend then (I did it in 4), so that makes me think: The more things change, the more they stay the same…only with a larger population.

It’s great your parents want to and can support you, and that you seem to be a responsible and thoughtful daughter in return. The rest is much easier! In between your senioritis activities, take the chance to do more research, interviews and visits as possible. Maybe you want to make a list of what you’re good at (hard skills) and what your personality is not suited for…and vice versa on both lists. Compare and evaluate. There are JCs you can do your prereqs-are-prereqs-are-prereqs at, which despite their increased fees, will buy your parents’ college fund more time to grow for your ultimate school. You can work part time during full time school to supplement expenses and (ideally) open your mind to other (major/direction) options through exposure and experience. At this point, time is your friend. Use that relationship wisely.

The only personal “advice” I will give you is not to be afraid to make mistakes. Then feel free to strive to achieve a balance between necessity, discipline/work and fun. I was an extremely hard task master on myself, and this got things done all right, but it took years (and years later) for me to chillax this blessing/curse so I could truly face what I love and embrace it — and I always knew who I was!, but sometimes to truly know oneself, is to listen and act on your inner voice. You are young and shouldn’t pressure yourself to know everything you want to do right now, but just give yourself permission to really hear your own voice. …And then have the guts to have the wisdom to have the tenacity to follow-through. Between the young woman you already are showing up to be, and your future schooling, you’ll do fine.

Matriculate in life, baby!

BW

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Dear Artistic Daughter,

Good job on thinking about things before the last minute! There’s a lot to consider with where to go to college, what to major in and, yes, whether you can do it in 4 years.

Start by asking for materials from every school that interests you. Try and isolate why one school is more attractive to you then another. It will help you whittle down your list of “must haves” in a school. You may also find that certain programs are more attractive than others. This will start to give you clues about your major.

As for deciding on a major, follow your heart. What do you enjoy doing and what classes seem the most interesting to you? I ended up starting my major in English, but my love of theater and history classes allowed me to finally double major Theater/English with a minor in History. Did I start off as a whiz kid who wanted to do all three? No. But I took the classes that interested me, many offering credits under multiple majors. For instance, a theater history class offered credits for my theater major, but I could also use those under History if that was where the credits were needed. I also received full credits for working on some theatrical productions, which I would have worked on anyway. All this added up to enough credits to finish in four years with a double major and a minor. Not bad.

Also, when reviewing classes to take, stick to your strengths, not only in subject, but in testing requirements. I am not good with tests. I prefer to write papers and so looked for classes that did not have tests—only papers. Of course, this was not possible for every class, but this meant that in a semester I would have no more than one class to study for a test. But since my other classes were papers only, I had the time to focus for a test without endangering any of my other grades. I also love class discussions vs. lecture. So I was sure my schedule each semester had  lots of 3-hour discussion classes and very few lectures. It made for a more enjoyable learning experience.

College is a great time to get to know yourself and how to work in community. But, as always, the caveat remains, “know yourself and act accordingly.” Give yourself the tools to enjoy the learning experience, whether that be all classes with discussion and papers or a schedule with several classes that require a lot of focus and concentration and one easy class, like my all time favorite, “Rock Music and Rock Film” where I got to watch movies of Woodstock and Led Zeppelin. Some may cal it being a slacker. I call it balance. You can only do so much at one time, pace yourself and give yourself the tools you need to learn well, get good grades and get as much out of the college experience as possible.

Enjoy this time of exploration and realize, you cannot ask too many questions to be sure you have found the right environment for you. I can say, with your showing this much focused attention now, you’ll do well. Just keep up the good, proactive work!

Good Luck,

GoodWitch

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Hear the coaches – Podcasts coming. Talk to the coaches! -  Personal and group coaching available.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · family · life · money · self-improvement
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