Tag Archives: balance

Anxiety 401k: Parents’ Over-compensation

Posted on March 28, 2011 | Leave a comment

Parents’ disorder: anxiousrexia money nervosa. Kid’s inheritance: moolah hoarding? Saving your style.   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I’m 25 and my parents…are so freaked out about their financial situation… they’re insisting I put ¾ of my salary towards my retirement. I think that’s way too much, help me get them to get off my back! I’m being responsible, but how do I tell them nicely that just because they neglected to take better care of their own stuff, that I’m not doing the same thing and a better planner than them? I am planning on staying at home another year (to save up a downpayment, I’m almost there!) and they really want to help me, but I swear every other conversation in this house is about my retirement. — Old Before My Time

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Dear Old Before Time,

Three-quarters of your salary does seem too much towards your retirement at your age — and yet there’s no time like the present for retirement savings! Investing is all about understanding and embracing your risk tolerance and balancing it with your current life age/stage toward attaining your ultimate financial goal values (e.g., education, home ownership, retirement. Go find yourself a good mentor or professional financial planner). You are just starting out. Since you don’t mention having debt but saving for house down payment, I will assume your presentation of your finances is accurate and speak to that. The only person I personally know who started saving for his retirement first from age 19 on, and then started buying rental property(-ies), was my college BFF. He paid cash for everything (then was shocked he hadn’t built credit) and saved every penny — but he has indeed been set for retirement at minimum 25 years ahead of his. While that is some amazing and awesome peace of mind (especially in these continuing uncertain economic times) I believe it’s important to choose to live a balanced life (cheap can evolve into miserly as habits set, but it’s important to live within your means while meeting your needs, too), and that starts with our thoughts, and yes, I’m still talking about saving and investment here.

Money is emotional.  Much like your investment style, weigh whether your relationship with money (How you are in relationships with others is a strong indicator of how you are with your money, i.e., do you wait for others to take care of things, or are you straightforward and assertive with people? Think about everyone close to you and I’ll be surprised if you can find an exception to that) is a subconscious manifestation of your parents’ worried projections, or if it’s more a reflection (and practice) of your own values — that’s the real financial goal I would focus on attaining.

Bless your blessings,

BadWitch

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Dear Old Before Time,

Well, your parents have some good advice for you, though they may be a bit over-zealous. Here’s the thing: compound interest is your friend. The more you can put in now, the bigger your win at retirement time. Though 75% of your salary seems a bit extreme as you start to save for your new life, the more you save now, the more your money works for you over time.

David Bach, author of Automatic Millionaire and Start Late, Finish Rich, offers a chart that compares the amount of savings three individuals have by the age of 65. The first starts saving $250 per month ($3000 per year) at 15 years old and ends up with $1,615,363.40. The second person starts at age 19 contributing the same $250 per year. But with 4 less years of investing ($4800 less in investment) our second investor has $1,552,739.35—more than $62,000 less than the 15 year old investor. Our last investor starts investing $250 a week at 27 (12 years later than our 15 year old investor; $14,400 less in capital) and earns $1,324,777.67 by age 65—$290,585.80 less than our early investor.

In other words, start early and set up a set amount automatically deposited into a compounding interest retirement account. The more you put in now while your overhead is low will go a long way towards working for your continued solvency through retirement. Some to house savings, some to retirement savings and some towards enjoying your life—do that and see life blossom before you—with a strong foundation to support you.

Good luck and happy savings,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders.

What’s jamming your juice in life? What emotion is hardest for you?  Tell us what’s important to you, what you think about. How we can help you thrive—not just survive—modern life. Email us at: coaching@stillsitting.net.

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The Real Clash: Stay or Should I Go?

Posted on March 21, 2011 | Leave a comment

Burn outs are kinda cool in a hot rod. Not so much on the job. How to stay cooler.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — …career of 12 years…What constitutes “burn out”? How do you know if you are actually burned out and it would be wise to find a new course to pursue, or whether you just need a long vacation, and should stay put in the industry you spent so much time developing skills, contacts and your reputation in? — Path Trekker

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Dear Path Trekker,

Check out what we told Miller Time about his job exhaustion.

As for what constitutes “job burn out,” as usual, I suggest you do review columns. This time, list all the things that first ignited, attracted and fueled you to and on your job. Second column, quickly jot all the things that frustrate you on the job and about your workplace. I’d rather you list emotions/feelings elicited than nit picky line items like “broken water cooler,” which may or may not translate as “dehydrated, listless and angry.” Half joking. Cross-check the two columns. This one is more a highly subjective look-see between the two columns to see which is: larger/longer, which items may be completely negated by something in the other column, and overall how each column makes you feel. Do this exercise again same time for the next four weeks. See if recognizing and shifting what you can has changed anything for you. Own what’s yours, weigh what you can’t control against your overall life needs and peace.

Meanwhile, a well-deserved, fun-filled (whatever that means to you) vacation away from the office is always a rejuvenating, reenergizing treat our culture doesn’t take as seriously as it should. Go expedia.com, orbitz.com, or Travelocity.com (among others) — do a staycation — but go forward, Path Trekker!

Stop and smell the rose essential oil,

BadWitch

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Dear Path Trekker,

Follow the tickle. The question is what inspires you and leads you t wan to spend your time in the activity.

The truth is whatever you choose to do will, no doubt, use some of the very skills and contacts you have honed over all these years. Though, you may decide the field you are in no longer serves, skills are transferable.

To start, yes, schedule a vacation. Give yourself time from the pressures of everyday to get a read on whether you enjoy the duties and opportunities available to you in your everyday career. Then it’s time you play Blue Sky/

What would you do if there were no limits? If money, security, social pressure and guilt were taken out of the work/life/career equation, what would you do with your time for work, fun, joy?

The questions to such answers may be unrealistic when normal life circumstances are applied, but it will start to point you in the right direction. You will see more clearly where your interest lie.

The key is to rest up and give yourself the time and space to figure out how you feel and what you want.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Posted in Advice, career, de-stress, happiness, health, life, Life coaching, wellness

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Grudges: Do You Hold Them? (inspiration)

Posted on March 4, 2011 | Leave a comment

“He who angers you conquers you.” ~Elizabeth Kenny

“Anger is one letter short of danger.”~Anon

“To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.”~ William H Walton

“People often grudge others what they cannot enjoy themselves.”~Aesop

“Life is too short to hold a grudge, also too long.”~Robert Brault

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Healthy Relationships, Not Codependent

Posted on March 3, 2011 | Leave a comment

Kicked to the curb: old shoe of tired worn out relationships that don’t fit. Walking tall in confidence and supportive new shiny stilettos. — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I get a little bit offended when you talk about co-dependent relationships. I used to have pretty bad, terrible relationships with men just for affection. Since I found my now-husband who is sweet, respects me but is a bit immature, do you think I’m being co-dependent to take care of things he’s not as good at? I don’t mind. This feels like the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with a man and we’ve been married 8 years now. Are we co-dependent?

— Coefficient

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Dear Coefficient,

Life is a journey and each step its own destination. Congratulations on not standing still on your trek, but moving forward as you’re ready to. I’m glad you’ve found the strength to step away from abusive relationships to better acknowledge and honor yourself. It’s no surprise to me that you attracted a far more secure man in the trade up. We attract what we are. All true partnerships grow with each partner’s way of being teaching and informing the other’s in an evolving dance…together. If you’ve managed eight years and counting, that’s great. Without meeting you two together, no one can say whether your functioning relationship is co-dependent of not.

Please take the time to recognize and revel in your major win of self-improvement!, but if you find yourself still stinging from your apparent hot button word “co-dependent,” I encourage you to stop and ask yourself why. What about this word bothers you so much? Look at your associations, look for what thoughts it triggers in you. Shame and pain don’t live long in bright light.

Congrats and keep up the work,

BadWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Self-Expansion Through Self-Expression (BW)

Posted on February 9, 2011 | 1 Comment

Self-expression comes easier if you feel you’re creative, grounded or just have a lot to, uh, say. Truth is the next step in that chain. Self-expansion is a proactive process and the culmination of body-mind-spirit integration. Growing in all areas of one’s life in an incorporated way (b-m-s harmony) is the very definition of spirituality to me. If we are spiritual beings having a human experience — self-expansion is a Must Have skill! The practice of self-expansion can happen in the smallest moments of life — we’ve all had them — but they need to be noticed for them to have maximum effect of expansion. Watch it! A piece of music or a blossoming flower can trigger the connected feeling of self-expansion if you’re not careful. Recently, a trip to the cool new Planetarium had the power of self-expansion for me when those stars and creation process itself unexpectedly threw me into a childlike wonderment, a mind-wow!, and actual tears of longing which I can only describe as the spiritual itch of seeking connection. Walking out stunned and buzzing with life around my edges, that very satisfying experience had me feeling bigger, more than when I walked in that room.

Self-expression is what we’re built for. It’s when we don’t express ourselves (creatively, the meditation of drudge work, emotionally, intellectually…any multitude of ways we all do it) that our bodies which are emotional instruments, speak out with dis-ease or pains in the fill-in-the-blank. When you next express yourself, notice whether/how you feel expanded by the experience. If not, keep vigilant look-out until something stirs you and you do. And then, seek again…  — BadWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Posted in Advice, happiness, life, Life coaching, self-improvement, spirituality, wellness

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Lose-Lose Situation. Hating Life

Posted on February 7, 2011 | 3 Comments

Making lemonade out of lemons. Start stepping. One day at a time. Every day is a new opportunity. Lightening up, already!  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Help! I hate my life. I can’t get anything going right. — No Win

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Dear No Win,

While some people are kicking butt and taking names, the on- and offline feedback our article ‘Trapped! Horrible Job No Hope’ got, showed me that you’re not alone in your feelings. Also check out our Giving Thanks post. Still, I want to echo a tenacious friend’s annoyance at our collective malaise, or at least less than stellar energy to thrive. She commented about the latest soft drink trend of “relaxing” vs. energy boosters with something like, “We need more coffee or other stimulants to get us past this enforced apathy.” To know her is to love her.

Overwhelm is a natural feeling from sadness that becomes depression, until you are simply not responding to positive stimuli because you can literally no longer see it.  You’re rewired for disappointment and failure. Instead, retrain your brain by becoming conscious of your thoughts. Break the overwhelm by focusing on one area of your life at a time, and one aspect of that area daily, until your capacity to see when things are going right, well, excellent, once again has been reconnected, switched back on and powered with continuous effort. Come back to the light one day, one area, one thought at a time.

C’mon Get Happy!,

BadWitch

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Dear No Win,

It’s time to put a different spin on this life thing. Maybe you are not the most popular, the most admired or the most successful, but that certainly doesn’t mean you can’t do anything right. Success is judged by you. For instance, maybe you don’t win the race, but you run your personal best time ever. That’s a win if you look at it from the right angle.

Put a little PR spin into your internal monologue. Instead of telling yourself , “You suck!” Congratulate yourself for having the balls to try. Right now you can thank yourself for having the guts to reach out for some positive advice.

Earlier today a group of friends and I were laughing about being dorks. “When did you first know you were a dork?” was the question of the day. Somewhere in there we discovered the things that made us dorks in high school were the very things most appreciated and celebrated about us now.

This place where you are now is not your whole life. It is a moment in time. Want more out of each moment? Tell yourself “good job” more often than, “You suck.” Recognize when you have done well and recognize where practice makes more perfect. You are merely human which means sometimes you win and sometimes you are a loser. Decide to be happy now no matter what and you’ll win. Frankly, that is all any of us can do.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Match Point: Bringing Up Equal Girls, Boys

Posted on February 3, 2011 | Leave a comment

Are strong girls or enlightened boys more at the disadvantage? Raising Cain and April.  — BadWitch

GUNG HAY FAT CHOY! CHINESE NEW YEAR OF THE HARE

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — What an interesting blog you have. My question is this. Is it better to raise strong girls or enlightened boys? My friend and I debate this a lot and I think you’re doing a boy a disservice in our society if you raise him to be too sensitive to women’s equality. I’m not an anti-feminist, just the opposite and a die-hard since the 60’s. I don’t know if this matters in the least, but we’re both 64 and looking at our grandchildren. — Power Nana

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Dear Power Nana,

Hmm, you’ve confirmed my previous suspicions that this is a generational thing. I was really surprised when I first heard this being debated in my early 20s, and it still surprises me as I’ve been afforded the ability to sustain my delusion that things have changed for the better in our society for both genders. My main suggestion is that you not project your own stereotypical gender biases on your grandkids.

Tow your (what I perceive is your real albeit conflicted) own line consistently, that both genders are better served when males are made more sensitive by being enlightened to other people’s challenges, and that independently strong girls are made even stronger when there are enlightened males around to attract and work/live with. They sound like Yin-Yang to me, as in physics, you can’t have one without the other. I don’t mean any of this in an idealistic Nirvan-y sort of way, but purely as (if you’re going to (attempt to) raise them with your consciousness) a logical extension of this thinking.

Raise them all up,

BadWitch

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Dear Power Nana,

I’m interested why you believe raising boys sensitive to the issues women face with inequality would be a disservice. To who? Listen, in this case you’ve got a boy that is sure to be popular with the ladies, may later lead an important charge regarding paycheck fairness or the equal rights amendment (that has yet to be ratified) and sees the world through the glasses of balance and respect. Where’s the issue?

I do believe that raising boys to be too overly sensitive, i.e. overly coddled is not at all a good thing. There is a great book called “Nurture Shock” by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman that talks about the issues for children unable to experience life’s little disappointments who later are unable to cope when big issues like job and family are on the table.

As the adults raising children it is important to instill them with the very qualities we hold dear. Our job is to help them become the incredible people they can be by giving them all the guidance we can—especially where it comes to fairness, equality and respect for all.

Teach them what you know. There future girlfriends and spouses will thank you for it.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Accepting Responsibility (Not Just Taking It) (GW)

Posted on February 1, 2011 | Leave a comment

Accepting responsibility means accepting all the facets of how you affect the world around you. You can take responsibility by accepting extra work, and giving away your time and energy because you feel you have to. Guilt-driven responsibility is really not good for you. You take on the responsibility you don’t want because you are attempting to avoid pain. You aren’t doing it for the right reasons and the action will take its toll on your body.

Accepting responsibility from the heart is recognizing that you are responsible for how you say what you feel, as well as saying what you feel. It is not for you to take responsibility for whether someone feels bad because you said something. It is about using your words and actions to make the world a better place. Approaching life from this perspective will help you follow The Four Agreements.

The Four Agreements are: [Taken directly from ToltecSpirit.com]

1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Good luck and happy travels, GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Bored Games: There’s an App for That, Baby!

Posted on January 20, 2011 | 2 Comments

Had your fill of daytime TV and gaming? Read every rag in the house back-to-front and back again and…still yearn for more entertainment? Making a break from your own boredom.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I broke my leg really bad. …and now the cast will have to stay on another 3-4 weeks… I’m so bored not being able to leave the house much, or have a lot of trouble when I do, and my housemate doesn’t come home til 7 or 8 and I think I might be driving her crazy entertaining me.. …do you have any suggestions? — Bored Castmate

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Dear Bored Castmate,

You’re right. Your roomie is not Julie, your Love Boat Social Director. Your relationship will benefit (and likely thrive) from you not expecting her to take care of your boredom. No need to break another thing in that house.

Look at this “break” as a metaphor for a much-needed break in your routine of automatic sameness. You will likely benefit to stop trying to be “entertained” perpetually and instead look to see what “work” you need to do for yourself. It may start by taking the mundane and meditative route of basic housecleaning. In that mindlessness, you might stir up some real dust and uncover a long-forgotten dream or passion. Entertain your own dang self, Bored Castmate. Start working on identifying your truest desires, towards fulfilling them — now that’s entertainment! Get to work on truly coming Home, Tom Hanks.

Castaway,

BadWitch

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Dear Bored Castmate,

Another 3-4 weeks! It’s not a death sentence. I completely understand your disappointment, however, seems more important to let you leg heal properly than worry about being shuttled around.

To start, you’ve got a broken leg, you’re not a shut-in. Yes, hiking, marathon running are all out right now. But movies are totally doable, as are restaurant lunch and dinners. Even a trip to a friend’s house or having friends over can make a difference. If you feel like a shut-in, it’s because you are acting like one.

Sure, maybe you can’t drive with that leg. Call a cab or ask friends to give you rides and sweep across the backseat. Who cares? It’s the room you need. Go slow in and out with your crutches and ask to be dropped off right in front. You can make it. Probably no harder than figuring out how to walk across a newly waxed floor in your first pair of stilettos. Take a deep breath, buck up your courage and decide it’s time to live your life—whether hampered by a broken leg or not.

I remember when my sister broke her knee and required surgery and to hang around with an ankle to hip brace for an entire summer. You know, she couldn’t drive. We lived in the ‘burbs of the Bronx and all of life happened in Manhattan. You know, I don’t remember how she got around, but I do remember that being one of the most fun summers of our lives. Sure, we stayed home more, but we had friends and family visit from out of town. We went to dinner. We went to the movies. We lived.

How do you do it? Decide to be happy now. Then do what you need to do to make it happen.

Happy travels,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Pressure Valve: Eat Pray Love Increments Needed to Escape (BW)

Posted on January 19, 2011 | 2 Comments

Ask any of my family or true friends — I’m all about the pressure valve! I don’t believe in suffering silently, but first and foremost, I don’t believe in “suffering” as a means to wise happiness. In order for happiness to be lasting, it must come from inside out. Innate and sustainable, as foundation. This makes constant care and tending to our “inside” (the physical and psycho-emotional) all the more important a habit to cultivate into routine — not a selfish or arrogant event. But it can seem impossible to simultaneously take care of business and the never-ending details life throws at us, and opt in for self-care. Integration is the way to more balance and a self-preservation routine that nurtures your own resources to create more in your life — to Be the most whole and integral you.

Every task offers an opportunity (you don’t have to take every one. Choices!) for opting into the self-care of a pressure valve. You can choose to do things the hard way (like taking care of everyone else’s business, and asking if there’s any more you can do, while neglecting your own needs from exhaustion) or you can make sure everyone has the tools to handle their own business properly, and to a harmonious whole (e.g., tribe/family goals and culture) and then — step off! Micromanagement comes from insecurity (most often of the micromanager’s real or projected fears). Be fearless. Teach then trust! Pressure valve your life more often (doesn’t have to be loud or animated like mine, but rather nurturing in your own way). Come to balance for less need to escape but rather to Be.

How do you incrementally escape your life’s pressures? Do you have a go-to pressure valve? — BadWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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