Good Witch / Bad Witch

Entries categorized as ‘health’

Couple, Activities-rich or Die Tryin’

March 11, 2010 · Leave a Comment

Whether your relationship is seeking a party, His & Her hiking sticks, or a fellow home body can say a lot about you two.      — BadWitch


Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — My boyfriend wants us to go out all the time, but I’m happy home with him watching our favorite TV shows off the DVR. Suggestions for compromising please… — Couch Tater

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Dear Couch Tater,

To love someone isn’t always to like them. “Like” includes tangibles like having things in common, stage of life experiences/-ing, and admiring/enjoying someone’s qualities. Liking a person is often about the experiential – you know, bonding. There are sexy, friendly and intellectual activities — a lot depends on the stage your relationship is at.

Non-defensively, ask you b/f why he wants to constantly go out. If it leans more towards boredom — here’s a thought: boring people get bored — then you suggest alternating shared time together with your interests. But if he is trying to bond with you and you equally want to strengthen your relationship, you might have to make more of an effort in two areas: 1) actually getting up off your comfy booty and venturing outside, and/or 2) realizing men and women bond differently, neither wrong. Men “do” and women “talk” but neither in the same ways with the opposite sex as their own.

Here’s an activity to share together: each come up with a list of your own ideas (cooking class/homework, walk then TV; train or spa together; casual games; a romantic drive; fantasize then detail plan a realistic getaway together…) of fun and games, and then compare the two lists. Cross-reference for any commonalities, discuss to consider crossing off deal breaking no-ways, and then see if a theme emerges from the ones left over on your common list. That’s the thing, darlin’, looking for those commonalities.

Common not ordinary time,

BadWitch

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Dear Couch Tater,

Suggestions for compromise? Hello are you having some major time management malfunction? At its simplest form compromise in this situation is staying in one day of the weekend and going out the other. Or, like in my world sharing children, split the week in half and alternate weekends.

Come on, if you are two adults you should be able to work this out. “Honey, I don’ feel like going out tonight. Let’s stay in tonight and go out tomorrow instead.” Or “Baby, the big party night feels like Friday to me. Can we set that as blazin’ crazy night and make Saturday movie night?” Say what you need. Listen to what your partner wants. Write down both lists and agree upon where the middle is. He’ll give up Thursday night beer and poker to hang out around the house with you if you will throw on some makeup and a sexy outfit for Friday night on the town.

If our partner refuses to compromise and curb the party night, well, then you have a different issue. If your partner needs to be alcohol and partying to unwind after a long day, then counseling and support for substance abuse may be in order. However, if the issue really is time management and cooperation, if you can’t figure out how to say no to a night on the town or how to ask for your partner to stay in on occasion, your marriage has much bigger issues.

Listen, I understand preferring to be home, on the couch, in your sweats, under a snuggie. But marriage doesn’t mean you won the war and you don’t have to work so hard anymore. You want to stay happily married? Alternate the night on the couch with sexy surprises that suggest there is more fun at home than out in the world. Other nights, ask “where’s the party?” Grab life by the balls—whether it’s staying in or going out. Being a homebody can be fun. Being a hermit shouldn’t last forever, especially if you expect others to stay as shut-ins with you.

So, figure out where center is. Talk honestly and openly. Compromise. Collaborate and keep it fresh.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · de-stress · happiness · health · life · love · relationships · spirituality · wellness
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Family Court: Judgments at Reunion Time

February 25, 2010 · 2 Comments

The word “family”gets eyes rolling and pushes some people’s hot buttons of insecurity or far more negative emotions. When it comes to the Big Family Reunion, maybe to attain acceptance, it’s time to switch to zippers.    — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I have a family reunion (huge, people fly in from around the country and we have committees to organize it) coming up and I’m finding I’m vainer for this thing than my high school reunion! I mean, hair, Botox, liposuction vain. What accounts for this nuttiness for family members who should love me no matter what?  — Relatively Vain

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Dear Relatively Vain,

Well you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family. No one can bring out your insecurities with off-handed discussions about your complexion, your butt or the intimate sundries of your life like family. Comments friends, coworkers and acquaintances would never dare utter (with you in the room) are free fodder for full family discussion because on some level you share DNA.

I’m sure, somewhere there are families who are not doing this to each other. But, I come from a traditional African-American family where only the deep dark family secrets are off the table. If it’s your physicality—weight gained or lost, hair cut or grown—doctor’s notes, test results, or dating status, is all in-bounds. This alone is enough to make you slimfast, bodyshape, and nip/tuck to avoid scrutiny. Though you should realize, this is your family, those nip/tucks, etc. are still open for discussion.

Remember family is family. If you are feeling insecure, remember that’s your stuff. They may be obnoxious. They may pry and discuss your body like a newly purchased side of beef, but they love you. They care and they will always be there for you—whether you Botox before or not. But, please realize, if you Botox, they will know—and talk about it. If you get breast implants, butt implants, rhinoplasty or anything else that changes the outcome of the genetic materials you share—they will talk about it—and probably not nicely .

So, what’s the answer. Know that it is not just you. Truly nutty, loving families come in all shapes and sizes. Your family loves you, no matter if or how they are able to show it. The fact that everyone spends the time and money to come together for the reunion—proves it. Be compassionate about your families over-sharing. Do not judge them for it or choose to feel judged. Instead, decide this is one way that your family shares the big stuff and the minutia of family because they care enough to want to know it all. Choose to be you. Be comfortable and accept that family is as family does. Choose to accept yourself, your family, your genes and the scrutiny that comes with it. U B U. Get your hair done. Make sure you have a nice outfit and clean underwear (in case of accident) and go in there as yourself. That’s all they want to see, anyway.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Dear Relatively Vain,

Confession! I’m that weirdo for whom the word “family” has a strongly positive association — including our shared delusion that we’re all smokin’ hot. So…

You can love, hate, or in-between them, but while family are the people most of us wouldn’t normally choose as our friends, they are our first identifiers/labelers, and perspective/values givers to How the World Really Is. This deep seeded imprinting is hard but not impossible to overcome, should you decide you’re ready to drop your story (e.g., I’m fat; will never amount to anything; or tall people are richer, etc.) or otherwise “rewrite your script.”

Generally, I don’t mind enhancements and procedures if you’re truly doing them for you or your health. I mind (for you) that you seem to have undergone a lot of time, expense and pain for other peoples’ (shared DNA or not) approval. Go stand in the mirror naked and stare and stare at your face and body. If you’re really brave, take some pictures (or have a friend do it); you can always Delete them later. Note what you like and dislike, hate and love about whichever parts pull and keep your eyes staring. Finally, to the parts you most dislike or even hate, say out loud to them, “Thank you for helping me see the world,” or “Digesting the nutrients that give me energy,” or “Giving me a portable, comfortable seat to sit on,” etc. You get the idea. Say out loud your praise and gratitude statements to these parts — touch or hold them as you speak — at least once a day, preferably naked in the shower or as you’re dressing for your day. [Acceptance doesn’t mean throwing up you hands and “settling” for your crappy parts, oh well. You can choose to actively make changes/ improvements/ enhancements to these parts while you praise and thank for what they do for you in their perfection today. This acceptance of responsibility helps us close the circle of self-acceptance.]

You can always buy New & Improved! cheekbones and hair, but inside out, you will still reflect the worst bits and pieces your family passed along, if you don’t make the true changes you deem necessary to live that more authentically beautiful version of You.

We are family,

BadWitch

==

Image, Frida Kahlo’s Family Tree

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · de-stress · family · happiness · health · life · love · relationships · self-improvement · spirituality · wellness
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Joy! When Depression is Too Depressing

February 8, 2010 · 4 Comments

Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Sadness can be valuable, but when repeated, again, still…stuck…it’s depressing. Literally. Trying UnSad.     — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I don’t know what to do with my life. I look fine and am functioning (healthy and pay my bills and have a few close friends), but I think I’m kind of getting depressed. I don’t have anything to be depressed about! WTF?  — Which Way?

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Dear Which Way,

Depression can be caused by many things—from nutritional imbalances to lack of goals, i.e. something to strive for. I cannot say, of course, what is causing this downturn in your outlook, but I can offer some suggestions that are known serotonin producers.

Remind yourself each day of the many blessings present in your life. Keep a gratitude journal and list 10 blessings you experience each day. I suggest writing out your list each night before you go to sleep and then re-reading them each morning. In this way you train your brain to look for the positive in your life before you go to sleep and you start your day by again reminding yourself of the blessings you have received. In this way you are training your brain towards positivity. Seeing the glass half full becomes a habit, and thereby more automatic.

Adding certain foods to your diet can boost your mood. Foods high in tryptophan, like turkey or cashews creates GABA (a calming hormone) and serotonin (a happy-making hormone) in the brain. In other words, you can eat yourself to a better outlook. Pineapple, milk (the more whey proteins the better), Omega 3s ) found in salmon and other fish), and B vitamins (spinach, kale) will all help. Naturally.

The field of orthomolecular medicine offers much more information about nutrition to affect mood. By discovering what nutritional imbalances may exist (most Americans have butritioal imbalances) you can adjust your diet to better balance proper nutrition and, thereby, assist in balancing emotions. We all know not eating can lead to very bad moods. Now imagine some chronic depletion, like magnesium, over the course of a few months or years. Bad mood ensues. Ask your physician for a blood work up to determine if there are any chemical imbalances which can be turned around with a change in diet.

Otherwise the best offense against depression is a good defense. Delve into alternative and complementary therapies like Reiki, massage or meditation, to open yourself to a broader interpretation of life and what is possible. StillSitting.NET offers an introduction to meditation, more information on mood boosting foods and breathwork exercises that can bring you back to ground zero so you can lift your spirits from there.

Don’t settle for “this is as good as it’s going to get.” And don’t think there’s a magic happy pill that will take the blues away. The truth is depression is very real. It is your spirit telling you that it is unsatisfied. Begin to give yourself the tools to come back. Part is changing habits and part is faking it, till you make it. But as one who has bounced back from depression by doing the transformative work necessary—like changing diet, habits and looking at what my soul was unsatisfied with and then affecting the change—I know happier days are possible. In fact, highly possible if you take control of your life

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Dear Which Way,

To say being “sad” is all in your head is not necessarily that far from the truth. It’s natural and helpful to feel sad when events call for that emotional response, but if we don’t recognize, feel, address and do something to change the situation, chronic sadness can become depression, and that partially (psyche and the spirit, too) takes residence in the brain.

Here are some practical Sadness Fighting body-mind-spirit Tips:

~ Bright light (they don’t call it seasonal affective disorder — SAD — for nothing!), any one especially halogen lights will help lift your mood and help create happy hormones in your brain especially during the winter season

~ Move! Exercise and moving your body of any sustained kind helps lift your mood. Moving helps circulation, muscle stimulation/growth and…again with releasing the happy hormones

~ A banana a day keeps the shrink away. The potassium in bananas positively affects (and effects) serotonin production in the brain

~ Be down with joy! The BadWitch take on “Fake it ‘Till You Make it.” Honey. Seriously. There’s wisdom in the old show tune that says when you’re smiling, the whole world smiles with you. You can (and do) have reflected back to you a world and energy that you put out — why not want, desire happiness and wellbeing which support you positively in turn when reflected back to you by others

~ Laugh! That we freak ourselves out over and over about the same things is indeed keeping the gods in stitches. Take a more humorous big view of things

~ Be responsible for your joy. A solid philosophy of financial planning is a good one for life in general, and getting out of your doldrums. 1) Control what we can control, and; 2) eliminate surprises as much as possible. I know these are trying times for everyone. Everybody feels worn down. “Problems” (that produce sadness) aren’t solved by fretting about fretting (again recognize, feel, embrace it but don’t give yourself permission to become stuck there). The only things we can control, should be! They include: our general attitude, sense and follow-through of responsibility (to ourselves and others in our lives appropriately), and most importantly and the thing all other things hinge on: the quality of our thoughts.

These are tough days, no denying that. Feel your feelings fully, try these Tips. Next thing you know, you’ll be feeling less non-specifically sad and more energized by the day to fund the energy to do something more specific about its source.

Have you hugged your Body’s Wisdom today?,

BadWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · de-stress · happiness · health · life · self-improvement · spirituality · wellness
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The Stress Smell of Revenge

February 4, 2010 · 2 Comments

When we are wronged by an old friend, how can we right ourselves again? Releasing the self-imposed stress of wanting to strike back .     — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Someone who I thought was an old friend really did me wrong. I can’t stop these thoughts of revenge in my head.    — Cold Dish

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Dear Cold Dish,

Punishment! Payback! Revenge! While they make for a cool poster, are a lot better suited for the movies and soap operas than real life where that sweet taste is a shot, but a hole in the gut lasts forever. Why stress yourself giving yourself an ulcer when you can Go Green! (ok so yeah, lower case), and recycle that same energy into healing, improving and growing yourself? Believe me, this is the more sustainable model.

There’s no pain like the pain of deceit a trusted former friend can dole out. This alone makes the healing and self-improvement an uphill trek. But hiking uphill builds strong legs, lungs and buns of steel. Work on your emotions in the same way: build a foundation of unflinchingly truthful self-knowledge (did you somehow contribute to this betrayal, if not, what would your ex-friend’s motive be to hurt you?); steely resolve to learn something about yourself from this incident (like how you hurt – your hot buttons can reveal to yourself your most unhealed emotions), or how you knew something about your friend but maybe hid that truth from yourself (what payoff/need did having this person fulfill in your life?), etc.); and the life-sustaining ebb and flow of acceptance of things as they are and self-reliance (not the same as isolated). Surround yourself with true friends and family who appreciate and can support you in your growth and thriving. Remember who you really are.

Finally, sweet Cold Dish, I think you’ll be doing yourself a favor (and shortcut) to turn and face how much this old friend hurt you. Grieve. There’s a good deal of mourning your situation (and our culture at large) appears not to have embraced yet. There’s a gaping hole where there was once something very important to you and your life. Take the time to really recognize, mourn its absence, thank it for the gift it was (when it was and what it actually gave you), and let it go.

Divine it is to forgive, Yoda,

BadWitch

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Dear Cold Dish,

Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most painful experiences possible. You put your trust and faith into another person and they betray that trust through actions and/or words. Not fair. But maybe you’ve heard—revenge never helped anyone.

Truth is, thinking revenge-thoughts is perfectly sane. Most people when faced with betrayal will think horrible Carrie-esq revenge thoughts. You may envision horrible disfiguring or fatal accidents too. Again, sane. Now, taking any of those thoughts into the 3-D, insane, psychotic and, quite possibly, criminal.

So, let the revenge thoughts simmer for another day or so and then, move on. Pick yourself up and ask yourself the hardest question of all: How did I contribute to this situation. Were you too forthcoming with someone who had already showed you they were not trustworthy? Did you chose to remain blind to the signs of betrayal early on and dig yourself in deeper? Are there ways you can recover, rebound and safeguard yourself against these mistakes in the future—without closing off yourself from future relationships?

Forgiveness is just around the corner. Forgiveness does not mean to forget what happened. But stop the acid of hate and revenge running through your veins as soon as possible. You are only brewing up illness, stress and paranoia by keeping the un-forgiveness and revenge going. Unfriend them at Facebook. Change the name in your cell phone to ALERT (or something you feel may be more appropriate) so you can cancel any incoming calls from their number and move on with your life.

Chalk it up to experience. Realize this person has offered you the gift of a transformational lesson. Use this experience as a springboard yourself into a more alive, compassionate person. Use this lesson to grow more into the amazing person you are. That is the best revenge. The loss, the forfeit, the crappy karma is all theirs. Let the Universe sort out the punishment. Focus on your rewards. Even the darkest moments have brightness to offer us if we are willing to look into the blackness. Look. There’s a better, freer you on the other side.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · de-stress · happiness · health · life · media · relationships · self-improvement · spirituality · wellness
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Working Out Having to Work Out

January 14, 2010 · Leave a Comment

Whether genetically talented, or always need to work out, health maintenance is the real thing. The key to healthier, happier and hotter you — living with wellness all your days.   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I hate working out but now that I’m getting older, skinny flab probably looks worse than a few pounds overweight. Any suggestions?  — Former Coaster

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Dear Former Coaster,

HA!, I’m laughing with you not at you. I Get it, cream puff. I was always naturally athletic, consumed whole medium pizzas by myself at lunch through college and still had a BMI of 13%…when I didn’t work out. No need to hate – we all are naturally talented at something, people. Whether we’re innately talented with lifelong 20-20 vision, or brilliant at height or strength, when these natural unearned talents shift – we can feel emotions from denial to anger to grief. I’m solidly empathizing with this general plight we call getting older. Grrr.

But as we’re lucky for that opportunity, we owe a debt of responsibility to see this issue is about embracing (again!, an emerging theme from you all this month) change. The first step to making changes successfully is to accept and embrace the change(s) that are spurring the need for updating and introducing newer ways of being/doing things, or solutions. This is your body now. Today. Not how it was in the past.

Just start. Reset your body with a detox to ready/prime it better for…your healthier diet (and “diet” doesn’t mean “weight loss” rather what we eat daily). Then Just Start!, by eating more veggies or getting the right green super foods down your gullet daily. For your heart, lower the bad carbs and fats, and up the good ones. Take Omegas 3-6-9 (fish, flax, borage oils) and raise your good cholesterol while lowering your LDL. Now I’m not going to lecture you any more about health benes you already know about — mamacita, the more toned you are, the hotter you will look and feel, and nothing builds more confidence than a healthy body of any natural size! Help your body help you. Portion control: Easy peasy. I like using the Rule of the Fist (which this lifelong wellness practioner made up), which is to say that our fists reflect roughly the size of our hearts (compare yours to different size friends’ to sharpen that picture for yourselves) and this is a very good portion of food (each: starch, protein, veggies, etc.) to maintain a healthy balance of intake to exertion. Move it or lose it! Keep your body moving. Especially in our predominantly sedentary workplaces and car commutes, it’s all the more important to keep circulation flowing, oxygenation to the muscles and organs feeding and detoxing, and your metabolism up naturally higher, at rest. Park further away, power walk everywhere, tippy-toes calf-sculpt, squat while doing chores — don’t make it hard to routinely keep your body moving, by integrating it into your day’s normal activities. Bicep curl some soup cans because building muscle density raises metabolism, and (ladies!) helps build bone density. Hey, if this lucky-fast metabolism Cali kid could get past her own self-delusions of never-ceasing Super Heroine-ism, anyone can.

‘To keep the body in good health is a duty, for otherwise we shall not be able to trim the lamp of wisdom, and keep our mind strong and clear.’ –Buddha

(Protein) Shake your booty,

BadWitch

==

Dear Former Coaster,

I know your pain! I, too, hate to work out, but I have found some interesting ways to get some exercise without resorting to stomach crunches and squats.

First, get active in daily life. I have to tell you, parking your car further from the door to force yourself to walk further, actually makes a difference over time. Running around the playground with your kids—maybe a game of tag and you are it—will make you sweat, while you laugh. I pick my kids up regularly, do dance parties around the house and make myself do a little jig while cleaning the house. You’d be surprised the work out you can get from vacuuming if you get your groove on at the same time!

My favorite physical activities are all about having fun. I love to swing—the playground type. So, I used to stop in at the playground to get my swing on. Now, I have bought an Om Gym, which allows me to swing in the privacy of my own home, while watching TV. I swing upside down and get a good stomach work out in. Make physical activity part of who you are in daily life and your body will respond.

Take a walk. Go for a bike ride. Put more physical activity behind your love-making. You’d be surprised what a great stomach and leg work out it can be if you do it right—not to mention how much fun you’ll have! Take a walk and smell the flowers along the way or window shop. Move your body doing the things you enjoy and you’ll get your exercise on without doing the physical activities you hate.

In the end, I may not be a size 2, but I am healthy, shapely and enjoy the ways I incorporate physical activity in my life. That’s right, there is a hot body waiting for you and no gym required.

Get Moving and Have Fun,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · de-stress · happiness · health · life · self-improvement · wellness
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New Year’s Evolution

December 28, 2009 · 2 Comments

What a decade. Usually secure and grounded people we know felt everything from shocked from the first market bust, to eh!, to sad to depressed and back again. A fresh, shiny new year is nearly upon us. Appreciating your opportunities, yourself,

to make lasting change.    — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I’d like 2010 to be better than this year. Do you have any suggestions? I’ve been feeling a bit sad these last few weeks (my work is going well though).   — Blue’s Not my Color

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Dear Blue’s Not My Color,

I’m with you! 2010 should be better! Well, I wish I could promise you lollipops and rainbows, but “life is gonna do what it do.” It’s up to us to decide the past is done and no longer has power over you. It’s done. Now, plot your course for the future, make the navigation corrections and full speed ahead. Depression starts by drafting around past history, judgments and ideas. What has happened is done. The only hold it still has over you is the power you give it to define your present and future. Decide to make a fresh start. Accept what has been. Recognize the past is over and decide to live a new life. Now.

2009 was a seriously trying year. Stress was the name of the game. We are at the start of a major evolutionary shift in our culture—and it’s definitely been a bumpy ride. But now that we know uncertainty is the name of the game, it’s up to us to decide the surf the waves as best we can.

The time has come to decide how you will live your life going forward. Will you be happy? Decide to make it so. Not in some throw away New Year’s resolution kind of way, but in a deep, meaningful, “I’m changing my life” way. Decide. Start by adding serotonin-producing foods to your diet. It will help lift some of the blues.

Then start a meditation practice. Make a habit of taking some time every day to picture yourself living the life you want to live. What are you imagining? Making more friends? Feeling secure and happy? Learning new skills (cooking, yoga, whatever)? The more you allow yourself the space to imagine your ideal life, the more information you have about what is missing now. My suggestion? Add it. Take the class. Call some friends for a night out.  Choose to do what you will do, cause life is gonna do what it do.

The mantra for 2010: “I choose, so all I have to do is decide. I decide to be happy.”

Good Luck,

GoodWitch

==

Dear Non-Smurf,

I doubt there’s anyone who doesn’t want 2010 to be a fresh start. When better to look forward than an entirely new and clean decade? The shift into the third millennium was a bumpy ride all right, Bette Davis — and 2009 just seems to have been an appropriate capper for it all. From the tech bubble burst, 9-11, the global financial crisis, housing bubble, to global warming events/signs escalation…whoa!, that’s a whole lotta prompts for us all as individuals to make meaningful changes for more evolved living.

I’ve been on a lifelong quest of self-improvement, inspiration and spiritual expansion.  To my mind, work and personal lives are intertwined more these days than ever before. These suggestions might help you improve both:

• get to know yourself a little better every day. Journaling, participating in common interests groups for feedback and exchange, get some coaching, these types of activities help you get a more objective look at yourself and, anywhere from immediately to over decades, can help you make better, more personal value-based decisions, then…

• don’t make resolutions you won’t likely keep. In this area, pick just one habit or quality you’d like to improve about yourself and make a yearlong plan/goal, then scale it back to monthly To Do items/activities to support it. Make the daily changes small but do-able– especially at first, then challenge yourself as you go – you will actually change your habit(s) in three (3) weeks. Repeat, rehash, again, one more time! This will also help you…

• be kinder and gentler with yourself NOW!!! (haha), the kinder you act, the kinder you will become. This is an extremely under-recognized affliction and, I believe, partially explains how carelessly we treat each other and mindlessly we occupy each day….which could be how we got to this place…

That’s “it.” Know, improve and be kinder to yourself. Empathy for others through self-love.  We are all connected, so when we value and treat ourselves and each other with more care, we can become the change we can believe in.

Gratitude, hope and consciousness,

BadWitch

==

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · de-stress · happiness · health · life · love · self-improvement · spirituality · wellness
Tagged: , , , , , , ,

Not Your Daddy’s ‘Mad Men’: Working Mom, House Husband

December 22, 2009 · 19 Comments

New American Family v.3.5: mama brings home the bacon, daddy fries it up in a pan, and he never, never forgets he’s his own man. Nice upgrade!  — BadWitch P.S. Happy holidays, lovely readers! We’ll see you back here Monday.


Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — My wife loves her job, is very successful and I’m a stay-at-home-dad while I’m figuring out what I want to do next with my own career. My guy friends seem to be telling me to hurry up so I don’t lose my manly edge, do you agree? — Manly Dad

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Dear Manly Dad,

Hey, Mr, Man, are your “guy friends” married, otherwise, what do their relationships look like? If your wife is happy on the home and work front, your family is rolling down the road smoothly with you at that helm from “9-to-5” (yeah right!) then I hope you won’t rush your search at the expense of another valuable experience you might not be able to get back — especially based on advice of those who may not practice what they preach.

I commend you for being uber-manly and supporting your wife’s success without any seeming issues there. Your kids and you will benefit from getting to know each other in a way not always afforded fathers and their children. If you’re genuinely happy about your role and decision to put your family first in all the ways that’s possible to you, I thank you in advance for our society at large! Last but definitely not least, I’m thrilled you’re taking time to explore and develop your own ideas about what career will serve you best. Your guy friends in question must not be doing work they love, or they’d know there’s no hurrying up this process to good effect. Get to know yourself — you’ll be a better husband, father and careerist in the long run for doing that work!

As for that “losing your manly edge” warning your seemingly insecure, scurrying friends brandish, a Real Man will always have an edge even if he were the Michelin Man on the outside.

Man up, be fully you,

BadWitch

==

Dear Manly Dad,

In this economy rushing is NOT the right answer. If you are stepping back out into job market—this job market—you need to take the time to really decide where and how you want to step back in. So, no, don’t rush because your boys are threatened by this new definition of “manly” you are presenting them with.

In truth, the job of staying at home with kids is nothing to sneeze at. You are honing patience, multitasking and creativity skills on an hourly basis. You are learning how to work your audience to excite, to quiet, to inspire. And though this may not seem like much, lemme tell you, those new skills are SUPER important in the working world. It’s called PR/marketing training with a little sensitivity thrown in. Clients, coworkers and, yes, bosses, will eat it up. If you jump into sales, oh yes, these are great skills to have.

The fact that your kid(s) have you at home when Mom is working full time, is a blessing. Also for you, already having a working budget with you able to take the time to decide how you will re-enter the job market—huge blessing. Take this time and use it wisely. Work with a coach. Take some time to really decide what you want to do with your career. This time is a blessing. Wring out every ounce of the gift. Then, when yu are truly ready, you’ll be well-prepared for the next stage of your career.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Image, Dr. Timothy A. Pychyl

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · de-stress · family · happiness · health · life · love · relationships · self-improvement · spirituality · wellness
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Revenue Enhancement, Cosmetic Surgery?

December 21, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Some people would give their eye-teeth, but this reader wants to get a new nose and teeth.  So while it’s a guaranteed revenue booster — for his plastic surgeon and dentist! — will these cosmetic tweaks improve his own sales career’s bottom line?

— BadWitch

PS See you back here one day earlier on Wednesday.


Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Should I get a nose job and veneers to improve my career? I’m in sales. I do pretty well, but could always do better. — Bottom Line

==

Dear Bottom Line,

The ROI on improved teeth and nose work, eh!, not as easily definable a career investment like an MBA/masters, or a computer, but it could be considered a tool of your trade and you always want the sharpest tools in your belt. Having said that, I have no idea if you’re actually any good at being, nor what “doing pretty well” as a sales person means to you. Tools are only as good as the hands they’re in. If nothing else, there’s the potential tax write-off benefit; consult with the right tax professional for you.

A smile is worth a million bucks. Give or take the dollar’s fluctuation, in this economy. No matter whether your smile is your fortune, or just your personal calling card to the world, your smile usually is the barometer of your spirit and how you really feel about yourself. [And for any shy or less confident readers: Fake it till you make it includes smiling and this retrains your thoughts and eventually your brain. Smile your way to more confidence.] So if getting veneers makes you feel more genuinely confident about your choppers, then get them. As for your schnoz, unless it’s a physical impediment (like the most commonly cited deviated septum), or it really, truly keeps you from living your best life — don’t silhouette profile yourself (as lesser than).

I’m not against cosmetic surgery across the board so if you’re concerned about business and revenue, talk to your sales manager and CPA for their take on your individual situation. But if this is a question about how you feel about yourself, then I say work on building your actual self-esteem (and this may include some healthy and real confidence that comes from knowing your smile winningly conveys the real you inside). Otherwise a “quick” fix that comes with post-op black eyes and held together with glue, could just end up being a superficial (and possibly shifting) thing, at best.

First be real…with yourself,

BadWitch

==

Dear Bottom Line,

Why do you think you have to alter you features to be successful? Nose jobs and veneers don’t always improve people’s looks. Case and point: Hilary Duff.

You want to make more money and a better impression on future clients? Self-esteem is the best idea. Confidence is incredibly attractive. I know I’ve said it before, but the truth never changes. We all know the woman or guy who is not necessarily attractive, but has the confidence and charisma to make everyone react like they are cover models. Confidence is beautiful and works better than rhinoplasty in attracting new clients. Need another example, how about Clive Owen. OK looking with skin issues, but considered one of the sexiest man alive because he has confidence and talent out of control. Daniel Craig, another Hollywood Heart throbs, has never let his broken nose slow down his success.

You want success in sales? Start with brain training techniques and affirmations that program you for success. Just as athletes visualize themselves making the shot again and again to program their body memory to make the shot., you need to visualize yourself selling. See yourself bantering with clients easily. See people saying yes to you. See yourself succeeding. Train your body memory to be at ease, confident and selling successfully. Then put on an outfit that makes you feel confident and go work it.

Use that extra cash on more affective marketing—social network and/or traditional. Make sure people know that you are the one to buy that product from. Remember, you can sell yourself to make money, but in the end, you will have crippled your spirit. Frankly, it’s not worth the cost.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · happiness · health · life · self-improvement
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Hook ups: Addiction, Dangerous or Just Fun?

December 3, 2009 · 2 Comments

Hook ups can be fun, they can be dangerous…which may be partially why some people find them fun. Either way, when they cross the line into addiction or abuse (of the self or done to you), they become a cry for help.   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I am worried about one of my best girlfriends. We’ve known each other since grade school and she’s changing now. I’m really worried about her recent if-y hook ups. She seems addicted to them! I’m just worried about her safety, and do you think I should talk to her about this?  — Saftey Monitor

==

Dear Safety Monitor,

Whether CL’s Casual Encounters, print personals, or at a random bar, if-y hook ups have been around since…Darwin’s days. Maybe it is all good for your friend and you’re right to be concerned for her safety. So I say heartily, Yes!, talk to her about it if you are genuinely concerned for her wellbeing and not just judging her. Stay on message. Here are some items you might consider talking to her about if her safety is what you’re truly concerned with:

- STDs and STIs like HPV

- Weirdos (stalker, dangerous harassing types)

- Assholes (abusers)

Now that the safety basics are out of the way, and this may or may not speak to your concern about “addiction” — I’m concerned when you say “she’s changing.” If this is a very sudden behavioral shift in an otherwise even individual, it’s possible she may have suffered a triggering traumatic event(s) and is acting out to express her feelings. A woman and I have been discussing the date rape subject recently, so that alarm bell is sounding off for me. Keep in mind your friend may not even consider it “rape” for a variety of reasons, and that it’s only one type of possible trauma. Trauma and abuse are complex things. It breaks my heart to hear girls and women say things like “…abusive relationships everyone has them,” or “I never thought someone like him would pay attention to me,” or “I didn’t realize that was abusive.” Hey, dolls (and lesser talked about, guys), long lasting relationships are work, but whether there, in dating or straight up hook ups, love should not hurt in the literal (physical or foundationally emotional) way. If it does, it’s very likely abusive in some way shape or form. If you or your friend don’t know or can’t tell if someone is abusive, check out the links I’ve provided here. In the end, you might find your friend’s if-y hook ups are just her choice whether you like it or not — better than someone else’s agenda forced on her to blackmail her for attention, affection or even love, which is what most abused people really want and need. Ladies, please please please value yourselves no matter what the relationships you enter look like on the surface.

Props for your responsibility and care for your friend. While many people actually do find hook ups fun and/or “a stage,” they can also become an addiction and sexual addiction is a very complex arena, which requires professional help for proper diagnosis, guidance to a positive outcome.

Safety first,

BW

==

Dear Safety Monitor,

Well, to properly answer this question, I feel like I need to know what you mean by “if-y” hook ups. I mean, is she picking up stray men on the street? Bar hook up one night stands? Not having safe sex?

I’m going to assume that if-y or not, this girl understands that having a bag full of condoms can allow her to hook up another day. If she is not having safe sex, give her the truth—blunt, straight up. HIV is not the only issue of unprotected sex. Genital warts, pre-cancerous cells that never leaves your body, just lie dormant waiting — available now through unprotected sex. New studies coming out regarding HIV now show that, yes, the cocktail works, HIV is not necessarily a death sentence—except the survivors are aging at an accelerated rate. So alzheimers, heart attacks, all the fun of aging can be yours now — also through unprotected sex. Yell, scream, take her to buy condoms, but make sure she’s not THAT stupid for a hook up.

Now, if she’s picking up stray guys on the street or in bars, as seems to be a 20-something right of passage for many, and you think she’s addicted to these hook-ups, there is a deeper question at work. Your friend may be experimenting or she may be experiencing grief or sadness and expecting some guy to prove to her she’s worthy because he’s chosen her. This is dangerous in a number of ways. First, physical safety, be sure you know where she is. Tell her to take a pic of the guy she’s grooving off with and text to you or some other friend. The guy who won’t let her take a pic, she should cross off her pick up list—no matter how hot. Think no pic, vampire, pick another. We are talking guys, another if-y hook up could be 3-5 minutes away.

The deeper issue is that your friend is running herself down to herself. If she is experimenting, she should be careful there are no lasting scars — on her spirit. The energy of being chosen can be heady and make you feel special — the energy of being left in the morning, in the middle of the night — not so special. Those rejection scars do not heal easily. Help her feel better about herself and who she deserves to be with. She may be settling because she does not believe she’s worthy. Be a friend and help her see the amazing treasure she is. In short, the yoni is sacred and every time you give it away with less care than you would a handshake, you scar yourself. Besides, it’s way more satisfying to make them wait and work for it. That is when you really feel chosen and special. Help her love herself enough not to hook up.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · health · life · relationships · self-improvement · sex · wellness
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When Wearing Emotions Wear You

November 30, 2009 · 3 Comments

Face it: your emotions affect your appearance. Spending $700.00 on Pipe Dream in a Pot isn’t going to change that fact. And it’s not just too much booze or how you normally schmooze your self-esteem. How you feel really does show up all over your face.   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I’ve been either super happy or super stressed lately. Normally, I’m a pretty balanced person, I’ve just had a lot of high drama situations the last month. I’m noticing my emotions affect my looks. Why?  — All Over My Face

==

Dear Face Time,

My advice in a word, Sweetface: chlliax! The good news is you’re not alone during this challenging financial year and especially this holiday season. I’m big on the Wisdom of the Body a.k.a. somatic psychology, so it’s not a huge jump for me to know from personal mind-body-spirit experience and coaching that your mood (and lifestyle choices) do affect your looks both positively and negatively. But studies back this philosophy up.

During happier times, our hair and nails grow faster, and our skin “behaves” or even glows. These are in response to your brain’s serotonin and oxytocin production, or as we call them — the Happy Hormones — and their positive reaction and role in healthy, more optimal, body function. Studies show these good effects extend to the body’s other organs such as those involved in digestion, circulation, and detoxification.

Conversely, when we are facing life’s challenges of circumstances, health or mood, our brains create more of the stress hormones including cortisol and adrenaline. On the looks front, eczema and acne can flare up. Chronic stress forces the body to store fat at three (3xs) times the normal rate and contributes to obesity, and can also lead to heart disease and diabetes.

The key — as your Witches always say — is less stress, more life living. Not just the spike of new year’s resolutions. Go workout, have an orgasm, or chillax with friends and LOL, Gorgeous!, all surefire ways to better looks through better hormones and body and brain function. This is also the key to building and maintaining a lifestyle foundation of more health and emotional balance. Learn to express your emotions healthily (includes maturity) when you experience them — but if you can’t immediately get yourself to a better place, do your face a longer-term favor: avoid mirrors until you can!

Smiling is a free looks booster,

BW

==

Dear All Over My Face,

It’s not just your imagination. Stress can negatively affect appearance. Sounds crazy? Well, it turns out stress actually causes an increase in the rate of aging, affecting skin elasticity. Of course that along with stress break outs, dark circles under the eyes caused by lack of sleep and puffy eyes are al part of the stress out facial package. What’s a hottie to do?

Give yourself a de-stress facial. You can use your favorite store bought mask or make your own. For a homemade facial sure to perk up your complexion and your attitude, start with a green tea steam. Place a tea bag (green tea) in a large mouth bowl of filtered water and heat in the microwave until steaming. Then lean over the steam and cover your head and bowl with a large towel, so the steam is trapped inside. Breathe deeply, relax and enjoy.

Once you’re done, take a break with a skin conditioning a facemask. For a great homemade mask combine the following ingredients a blender:

½ cup dried apricot

½ cup plain yogurt

2 tablespoon of honey

4 drops chamomile essential oil

When you mixed in a smooth paste, you can apply to your face. If, it seems a little runny, add oatmeal to thicken. Yogurt is a deep moisturizer for the skin and apricots are chock full of Vitamin A, which can revitalize dull, colorless skin.

As for your high drama, emotional life, take a no more drama vow. It’s not worth being right. Sometimes, it’s worth letting it go—for the sake of your skin, health and happiness. Take time to meditate each morning, even if it’s just for 5 minutes in the shower. Breathe deeply. Call back your energy from the rest of the world and allow yourself to plug into source to refill. You’ll have more energy for yourself, feel more balanced and, quite frankly, have radiant, glowing skin. After all beauty comes from the inside out.

Happy Shining,

GoodWitch

P.S. One final beauty recommendation—Glowelle, a beauty drink filled with the vitamins and nutrients that nourish the skin. You’ll feel more energized because you will be getting your vitamins and you’re skin will glow—hence the name.

==

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · de-stress · happiness · health · life · self-improvement · wellness
Tagged: , , , , ,