Tick tock!, she don’t stop. If you wait, will it be too late? When moms pushes you to make her a granny now. — BadWitch
Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…
Dear GWBW — As a single woman in her mid thirties, my mother keeps warning me that if I wait even a day longer to have children, she will never be a grandmother. To what extent is this true or untrue? What should I do to ensure that I have the option for motherhood in the future? — Pregnant Pause
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Dear Pregnant Pause,
Firstly, I can’t think of too many choices in this world more important than whether or not to have children…except maybe when to have them. With all due respect to your mother, she’s already had her time as one, it’s now completely up to you as to if and when to you will become one. Own that fact, exemplify that feeling.
As to when, if you’re healthy, fertile and want a family, make Pros and Cons lists if you need help with more clarity. Obvious considerations include your health, wealth, practical and strategic career accounts (day-to-day childcare options versus your availability to remain work-relevant and competitive), and the often under-considered urges/desires and assumptions/notions you may or may not have about your “family.” Siblings to trusted spiritual leaders may help with this last one.
Future options protection? Here’s one idea if you can swing the finances (I’m sorry I didn’t grab the link when I recently heard about a young woman’s brilliant and controversial plan!). She knows she wants kids ultimately, but not while she’s competing and building her equally important career. She had her own eggs harvested and frozen for IVF when she is ready for motherhood. Dissenting religious beliefs completely respected and aside, I have to tell you that I didn’t understand why this was a “news” story in this day and age, except for suggesting that many people in our society still don’t actually “family plan,” or may have some misunderstandings about the challenging but viable IVF process.
Far more important than making your mother vicariously happy, please make sure you are happy about your own parenting status by deeply researching and considering all the options available to you specifically.
Gestate on that,
BadWitch
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Dear Pregnant Pause,
More and more women are waiting to start a family. This is not the 50’s anymore—where women marry straight out of high school or go to college to find a husband and then hit fast forward on the family planning.
That being said, age can affect fertility. A woman is born with all the eggs she will have in her life. These eggs age as we do, sometimes forming a hard outer shell, which can keep sperm from penetrating the egg. So what does this mean?
It means that you may have issues getting pregnant without assistance as you start to age past late thirties. However, reproductive endocrinology (yes, the science of test tube babies) has come a long way. Single women, same sex couples and fertility challenged heterosexual couples are making their family dreams a reality through IVF (in-vitro fertilization). In other words, though the science is not fail-proof, success rates show it is a viable option.
So, though your mom is ready for grandkids right this moment, do what is right for you. You can start with a conversation with your OB/GYN and perhaps a consultation with a well-respected reproductive endocrinologist to determine if there are any other issues besides age, which may be a fertility challenge for you.
Sadly, in the world of fertility, age does matter. And, yes, being called “older” at 40 may be one of the more annoying side-effects, but know that you may yet have a child in a few years. I had my first child at 33 and my second at 36. So, apparently my mid-thirties were quite fertile. Does that mean I’m done at 44-not necessarily. Egg donation is also an option, as is adoption. In other words, if you want a family, there are ways and means. Don’t step on the gas now to make someone else happy, because it’s you that have the responsibility for growing a responsible member of society for the following 18 years—at least.
Be happy where you are and know your options and opportunities for the future,
GoodWitch
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