Good Witch / Bad Witch

Entries categorized as ‘career’

Office Plagiarism: Credit Where It’s Due

March 8, 2010 · 3 Comments

Hearing the words, “You’ve been robbed!” is only acceptable at a recreational ballgame, never in your personal career. What to do when the Idea Elves visited you overnight.    — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — How do I deal with a work peer who steals a lot of my ideas? He takes credit for my work and I find out after the fact. This has happened twice now.  — Peered Off

==

Dear Peered Off,

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but I know firsthand it’s often just flippin’ annoying. Keep your “flattery” to yourself and come up with your own damn ideas! I Get you, Peered. But all ideas aren’t created equally: for those truly original, game-changers you want to protect yourself, but for creative everyday concepts, boundary etiquette might suffice. Furhermore, don’t automatically jump to conclusions but prove you’ve been robbed before taking a more drastic move with management or beyond.

Beware your approach but approach your alleged pickpocket. First, have a plan, a goal. It’s most important here to bring his behavior to light and let him know in no uncertain terms you’re not ok with it. However, getting/taking credit yourself isn’t automatically the ultimate goal in every instance. If the larger group goal is met and served far more than any individual being given credit for a line item idea, then handle your emotions and step off. Weigh this for balance. While some anti-“snitching” cultures do controversially exist, I’m not aware of any culture where it’s ok to steal. In the workplace where a potential consequence is your being held back in some form, theft of your ideas is a double no-no.

Ideas are a dime a dozen — take comfort in knowing it takes real genius (which is not all about the brain power) to know how to bring them to fruition. Some hot ideas are already germinating in the ether and it could be a coincidence rather than a theft of yours (sure!, even twice possibly). People are often subconsciously influenced by thoughts or words they hear, and sometimes unknowingly repeat them as their own (even brainiacs in their fields — see: the Beatles!). Neutrally ask him how he came up with the idea. When? If you need to, take him back and refer to your notes (start keeping them if you don’t already; I date mine without fail) on the idea or when you brought them up in another meeting. Pulling out your documentation during a meeting becomes an option, but one you want to make sure doesn’t make you look like the petty ass. Oftentimes, collaboration is the path to creative solutions. Honor your own boundaries by letting people know consistently (through well-placed word but regular action) to be respected, but pick your battles wisely, and if it makes sense to, bring in the troops.

Be your own anti-theft device,

BadWitch

==

Dear Peered Off,

Plagiarism is a serious charge. But, God knows, it happens—in term papers and the office. Unfortunately you can’t go around copyrighting every thought and even if you could, it may not serve you. Neither will vengeance.

If your co-worker is your boss, well, you have no recourse for the whole taking credit for your brain trust. Think of it as being noticed by the higher ups. It reeks of job security. Recognize how the political system works. Do not compromise your job or your boss’ ego by dropping in a well placed, “That’s what I thought when I came up with it.” It isn’t actually well placed and could relive you of that job security thing. Suck it up. Breathe and wait to share your ideas in a crowded meeting room.

If your coworker is in fact, just a peer, well, then…Again, do not try to upstage with a well placed, “that’s what I thought…” Bide your time, hold your tongue and keep your great ideas to yourself. Share separately and quietly with those involved in hiring and firing and running the department. Perhaps ideas in a well placed memo?  Then, when your buddy decides to plagiarize your thoughts and ideas, the one’s who need to know will already know—without you saying a word.

I will say, document your thoughts. Do not share off the cuff great ideas with this coworker, as clearly this guy is looking for great ideas to take credit for. But, at the same time, this is a balancing act, because sharing ideas for the overall goal of success for the team is necessary for success for the team. Share in collaborative meetings. If these meetings include your coworker who then presents to your boss as “I,” well, then I might drop in a humble but accurate “we” to help your coworker realize that plagiarism and credit stealing is easily done and very much NOT appreciated.

Sadly, your coworker may not even realize the “I” has taken the place of the “we.” But as I said, if it seems fully calculated, set your coworker up for the fall of his (or her) own making. Put the people who should know you are the brain trust in the know.

But, a side note. Be sure that collaborative work is not getting filed under your “I” either. As I said, plagiarism is a serious charge, in or out of the boss’ office.

Good Luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · life · relationships
Tagged: , , , , , , , ,

Socializing Co-workers: Peer Pressure

March 1, 2010 · Leave a Comment

You already spend most of your waking life with these people at the office. Now they want you to wh-what?!, hang out with them outside it, too? Is it peer pressure or spirit-scoliosis that’s got you down?    — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Too much peer pressure at work. I get invited to geeky events I have no interest in but everyone goes to. How do I get out of things nicely without shooting myself in the foot in case I need their help on the job?  — To Go or Not Go

==

Dear To Go or Not to Go,

Well, my first question is, how do you like your co-workers? Do you think they are “geeky” or are they all right people? My guess is not all the events are horrific life-sucking events. Pick your battles.

If you are interested in pursuing this career choice, and a large number of co-workers in your field are interested in these events, this isn’t just socializing. It’s work research. How your co-workers spend their time will affect your product…or the next products down the line. You have the opportunity to get the inside scoop on the interests, research and influences of the people in your profession. If, say, you are in advertising or software production, such influences are a snap shot of trends coming down the line. Does this mean you need to be at each and every event to get the 411. Of course not, again, pick your battles.

You seem to work at a close-knit workplace. Communing with your co-workers on occasion may also help your standing in the office. By extending relationships beyond the boundaries of the office, you have the opportunity to get to know people on a more personal level. Think Survivor. Alliances are good. Plus, you may just find an inside joke may make your workday just a little more fun. You, of course, need to draw the boundary line of how much extra-curricular tie you spend with your co-workers. I’m suggesting that maybe once a month would not hurt your career path, enjoyment in the office or relationships at work.

That is unless you call them “geeky” to their face. Be nice. If you just take them as they are and attempt to forego judgments, maybe they won’t pass judgments on you. And even if you think you’re perfect and above reproach, know that that idea is fully mockable. Breathe. Set your boundaries and go play once in a while. It won’t hurt.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Dear To Go or Not Go,

We Americans are friendly and like to tell others to “Smile!” It’s some sort of national personality marker we are collectively comfortable with. [If you think everyone around the world is like this because how else would you be?, get on a plane and check out what I’m saying, you nice, friendly turista.] When it comes to the workplace rather than personal choice outings, this can be tough on individuals who are naturally shy or just would rather be alone. In the office, as in most of the Real World, balance is usually the best marker to shoot for.

Take a cue from the Wisdom of the Cube. Cubicle walls, that is. Management puts them up for reasons other than just questionable taste and cost/space savings. They were originally meant to give a modicum of privacy while giving peers psychological access to each other (you know, team building), while helping you focus, all towards the company’s work at hand. To me, that sounds exactly like ideal level of sociability you should attempt to achieve at work.

In the office there are two criteria for successfully negotiating social situations: 1) your natural sociability personality, and 2) individual event’s importance to your career climbing. With Number 1, extremes of being totally withdrawn and private, nor a Stage 5 gregarious, outgoing happy neighbor, will serve your best interests. Once you come to terms and then some balance with your natural comfort level (by understanding yourself and then making a commitment to push yourself outside of that box once in a while), you’ll want to learn apply that little extra you (if you’re shy) or a little more toned down (if you’re super social) effort to be a better version of you. Why is pushing yourself to come to balance important if you don’t care about your job? It’s not, but given this economic climate, I assume even the least ambitious worker bee would want to keep their best foot forward to keep their every day on the job as pleasant and easy as possible (in other words, ease and grace help staying employed less of a job).

Then Number 2, where you will have to learn, if you don’t already know, which social invites are purely for personal pleasure and which are meet and greets and/or other career-building opportunities (a key word). Go to the best work ones (they usually have the best food and drink, at the very least!) and pick and choose which personal pleasure ones you care to attend. For those that you still consider “geeky events (you) have no interest in,” also learn how to clearly and nicely state that to your inviters’ faces.

What are you over and done with (maybe groupie (geekster to singers!) clubbing/partying, or even religious-inclined outings)? What environments (people, places, or situations) are you not willing to participate with/in? Identify what does and doesn’t work for you, your values, and state your boundaries clearly , do it with an open and friendly tone. Accepting/rejecting and getting invited to events rarely, ironically, have anything to do with you personally on any valid level…it’s how we spin them that gives them any power over us.

Still…it ain’t all rocket science ,

BadWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · de-stress · happiness · life · relationships
Tagged: , , , , , , ,

Jealousy! Slaying the Green-eyed Monster

February 15, 2010 · 1 Comment

Sometimes even the most secure person can feel jealousy about a situation. But then they get over it.  Sustained jealousy is bitterness and that’s a sweet relationship killer. Do they make eye drops that get the green out?   — BadWitch

Happy President’s Day!

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I think I may sound crazy and high maintenance when nothing could be farther from the truth. I am so proud of my spouse’s success and thriving at work. A very close bond has developed with another director of the opposite sex. How do I let go of this jealousy?  — Green Eyed Supporter

==

Dear Green Eyed Supporter,

Jealousy starts in the (green) eye of the beholder. Are you seeing the truth or just what you “want” to see? Jealousy is based on fear or anger of anticipating the loss of something. Check your body for fear by seeing if you have a stomach flutter or churn, or if you’re clenching your teeth or tight in the jaw, that’s anger. You know what I’m always saying: the Wisdom of your body.

You seem fairly life experienced, so I will jump to having a straightforward, non-emotional conversation with your spouse. Tell her (?) that you are extremely proud of her accomplishments and that you wouldn’t have it any other way for her at work, but that something has pushed your insecurity button and you want to just let her know so you can figure it out together, to put it to rest. Describe your half of the situation to her plainly and without emotional words like “I know you X” or “when you guys do this or that” and own your own feelings with phrases beginning with “I (feel)” or “my (perception)” – own it. Then when it’s her turn to respond, throughout, just listen. This is the hard part. Really listen and try to hear what she’s saying. You can use that information for the next step, later, on your own.

Figure out what you are supposed to learn from this incident, and see if you have any misunderstandings, misconceptions or other erroneous beliefs you can change/update (examples only: “People I care for always leave me,” or, “When things get too good, something’s due to go wrong.”)

Know that jealousy is simply a natural human emotion, but that it’s not synonymous with “being in relationship” or a sign of caring! Whether your spouse is actually doing something to give you reason for jealousy or not, or you’re jealous about her growth or independence, see it, embrace it, and allow it…to help you grow.

Empower yourself, your relationships,

BadWitch

==

Dear Green Eyed Supporter,

So many questions are swirling through my mind. Are you working outside of the home? Have you witnessed this “close bond” or are you hearing about it through your partner’s stories? Are you reacting to how closely they must work together to get the job done or how much they are together? The question really is: am I just jealous or is there something going on?

My question of whether or not you are working outside the home has to do with your point of view. I know from experience when my home and children were my work, I was often jealous of my partner’s ability to leave the house, play with adults and solve big people problems. Seriously. I understand the importance (and can see it in my children) of making home and children a priority, but it takes a toll on the stay-at-home psyche. It is easy to feel as though you are contributing less, therefore have less “say” in decisions and ultimately, feel less than your partner—and any of your sex working outside the home.

If this is the case, take back your power TODAY! Go online and find out what all day exclusive live-in nannies cost. Add in all the services including, Girl/Guy-Friday taking in the car to the shop, groceries, laundry, chef, etc. Tally up your take-home pay. Your work has value and not just monetary. Drink in your value, put on something cute and remind your spouse of the powerhouse at home. This is not some cheap Patty Stanger trick. This is taking back your power and position in your relationship. If you hold it, no one else can.

Now, that is only one scenario and may be completely off from the truth. Perhaps you are working too and now getting the “gotta work late” phone calls. If your partner is telling you all the stories involving this co-worker, you are still early in the game in my opinion. Chances are nothing is going on, yet. If your partner is willingly telling you stories that this person drops into regularly, your spouse is not feeling guilty about the relationship. Again, drink in your value, put on something cute and plan either an adventure or weekend away and take back your power and position in your relationship.

If you believe you are all that (and you are) and your spouse is in the know (balanced, open communicative, fun relationship), that green-eyed monster would not appear. Jealousy is an indicator of either 1. Cheating or 2. Feelings of a lack of self worth. My method is to take control of what I can. I can control how I feel about myself. I remind myself that this person has already chosen me. I do not need to continually ask for signs that I am the chosen one. I just need to remember and remind myself (often, repeatedly and throughout the day) to create a new mindset, which will ultimately create a more favorable dynamic in the relationship. Confidence is sexy.

BTW, if you truly suspect your partner of cheating, follow through and follow up. Don’t pull an Elin with your head in the sand. This is your health and home life. Face what you know. Calling it jealousy and trying t sweep it under the rug when you know it’s true in your heart is self-destructive and allows you to accept a place of inferiority. DO NOT EVER IN LIFE ACCEPT A PLACE OF INFERIORITY WITHIN YOUR MARRIAGE. Know your worth.

Remember, you are worth all that and a bag of chips,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · de-stress · family · happiness · life · love · relationships · self-improvement
Tagged: , , , , ,

Legal Schmegal, Homegrown Discrimination in HR

February 1, 2010 · Leave a Comment

Putting the Human in HR. Face it. Talking smack against religion or race — there’s an app(etite) for that in some people.    — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW —I work in HR and while it’s illegal for us to ask job applicants their race or religion, I get to overhear one of my colleagues vent her prejudice against a certain religion (there’s a lot of them in our building for some reason) every day. Should I tell her to stop before someone else hears and gets her in a lot of trouble, or just keep my own mouth shut?  — Freed Mind

==

Dear Freed Mind,

You are on the right track by telling your colleague to hold her tongue. Truth is, her comments could trigger a discrimination lawsuit. Deriding comments about a particular sect of protected people—say, like a religion—can be considered harassment and/or discrimination under the right circumstances.

Imagine the following: some member of this religion is up for a promotion. This person has the seniority and qualifications for the promotion, but in the end a colleague with less time at the company, but more raw talent is selected. The selection was fair and understandable. However, the person from this religion, with feelings hurt, hears some comment first-hand or third or fourth hand, doesn’t really matter. They hear, feel the lost promotion was motivated by the company’s discriminatory feelings about their religion. After all, the person accused of saying heinous, biased comments works in HR for the company. What follows? Expensive litigation, your friend’s termination and a possible scouring of HR so the company can show a “fresh” face.

So, I would speak up, sooner rather than later. Pull her aside and have a heart-to-heart that may save her job. If you aren’t speaking up, you are complicit in the crime. You are helping to create a hostile atmosphere. Don’t think not saying anything absolves you. Putting your head in the sand on this one could cause you your job, and if there’s enough buzz around the whole issue in the press, could taint your career.

There are no borders in the world anymore. We must learn to be respectful of people who look differently, think differently, believe differently, talk differently, worship differently. Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddists, Pagans—every religion has suffered persecution for believing what they believe. Tell your colleague to evolve. Heresy doesn’t really exist and no one gets burned at the stake anymore.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

P.S. Document everything for your job safety. Comments said by whom with a date—including a brief on your conversation. You may never need to refer to it, but if you do, you’ll be more than a little happy to have your evidence right there.

P.P.S.-I’m proud of you for doing the right thing.

==

Dear Freed Mind,

The adage Loose Lips Sinks Ships came from WWII concerns about overheard communications sinking US subs. These days, we should all be even more concerned with texting or other electronic gossiping which has greater potential to leave your co-worker’s control than even her own bad judgment already does.

Be clear I’m not advocating discrimination of any sort, but as long as your company promotes and observes legal non-discriminatory employment practices, there’s little you can do about how an employee thinks, and as described, hers is more a case of gossip than discrimination. Why bother saying “she should know better” because of course she does. And that it’s natural that all humans are prejudiced about something or someone(s), is a given. Then there are the studies on gossip that reflect an arc of things about your co-worker’s personality (from dominance levels to stress relief). Who knows what if anything this group (or member) did to her, or whether their ilk actually did merit her wrath (! Not excusing her behavior.). So if it’s not her ignorance or human frailty — and we can’t know the “story” (she tells herself) about this group — then the girl just got on that track where the train goes in a circle. She’s enjoying her own ride, and she can’t get off Destination No Where.

It’s unlikely she’ll hear your concern at this point in her professional development, so I think you could jump right to telling her that you find her talk offensive and/or suicidal given the make up of the peers you describe. Or if you can’t muster that, tell her your parents are converting to religion X so could she please stop talking about them in front of you and your evolved sensibilities?

We all go through different faces and degrees of these sorts of things at some point/arena in our development. Some of us grow up (from the gossiping bit). But not often by others telling us to. And as you can see, you can’t truly legislate acceptance. At the very least tell this already-informed caboose conductor to stop yakking about this in front of you (then make sure you don’t partake in any form when she does), and then stand behind the yellow platform line and see if she finds the brakes or derails.

Next stop, disembark,

BadWitch

==

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · de-stress · life · relationships · self-improvement · spirituality · wellness
Tagged: , , , , , , ,

New Year, Same Old Office Relationships

January 11, 2010 · 2 Comments

The old joke that you can pick your nose but not your relatives should be updated to include our officemates. What if it’s not the work that’s the problem but the peers?    — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — New year, new job (I’m employed but can’t stand the people I work with). I don’t know why but I feel optimistic that I have some options even in this crappy job market. What can I do to attract or align with like-minded people in the workplace? Or am I just crazy with this market and shouldn’t rock the boat?  — Miss Aligned

==

Dear Miss Aligned,

It’s awesome if the people you work with are “friendly” but their job description isn’t to be your friend. On the other hand, when the people around us bring us down, get on our nerves, or really aren’t supporting or nurturing the best in us, very often this can be a sign we still have much to learn in this (maybe ultimately) wrong for us environment. Search for a new job while contributing well to your current one — but note that if you don’t attend to certain issues within yourself, you will somehow find them popping up at the next job and the one after that. I recently heard study results that cited only 45% of Americans workers are satisfied with their jobs today. That’s a flip flop from a decade ago, and among other things, underscores to me that a lot of us have a lot to learn in the places we spend most of our waking lives at. Recognizing that your surroundings, people and energy around you have a direct effect on you is in itself an important tool for your sanity and personal growth. Eternally, tools are only as effective as the hands they are in.

Fortunately, you feel good about your possible job options while remaining employed. Very cool! Try to right-focus your (job search and resume, etc.) energies on the types of environments for you. This is more than an exercise in idealism. What we think about and focus on has a strange knack for becoming our very realities.

In your job search right-focus on your peers’ and management’s best qualities that actually help you do your job just a bit easier (tasks and living out each day). Notice what you would change in them if you could – specifically. In this way, you won’t be Pollyana’g it (like I’d ever advise that) but rather expanding your own ways of looking at people and circumstances that you have attracted to surround you. A while back we answered a question about love and soul mates —my take was that we learn in soul groups that come in and out of our lives (not just the love ones) as teachers. Even office mates. Observing and truly reflecting on (not gossiping or similar) how your peers could stand improvement, is a mirror for your own growth of what you yourself may be lacking in these areas, if you allow it.

Wherever you go, there you are,

BadWitch

==

Dear Miss Aligned,

Well, you are lucky enough to have a job right now, so half the battle is won. I have to say if you have a new job you like, don’t hang everything on having friends in the workplace. Truth is, quite often, you best friends are not people you work with. I know we all want a perfect world where we love the people we work with and the job we do, but sometimes in life you just have to appreciate what is.

If you are feeling there are opportunities available that are a closer match for your sensibilities, then by all means, apply while you still have gainful employment and maybe you can make that easy switch. But it certainly is not worth giving up the stability of a steady job because you don’t like the people you work with. My guess is that if you have just started this job, you have not given yourself the opportunity to find like-minded people yet. Take yourself further a field within your workplace. There may be people outside of your immediate office you jibe with.

I remember working for a newspaper in Richmond, VA and finding the immediate staff I worked with were not people I would choose to hang out with. However, I gave them the benefit of the doubt. Sure, some of their life decisions would never be mine, but they are human. I believe there is something worthwhile about every human being. We got along well enough to enjoy our time together in the office. At lunch, I introduced myself to people outside of the department I worked in. I became good friends with some people working in the advertising department and soon leveraged those friendships into assisting in that department, which led to a promotion to that department. In other words, don’t stop looking for opportunities to connect with other people or to make the best of the situation you are in. Chances are this new situation is a gateway to something you are better suited to.

In other words, make the best of what you are offered, but never stop trying for more. Remember, your way, your choices, your lifestyle will not jibe with everyone else, but that is the beauty of life. There are many different people with many different lifestyles. If you can open yourself up to appreciate the differences, make the best of it and go with the flow, more opportunities will present themselves. Chances are, you will not need to find a whole new job to find office friends. Be more open in your assessment of others. That alone will help you attract more people who you vibe with, because you will give yourself the opportunity to appreciate more about the people around you.

Good Luck,

GoodWitch

==

Image, NBC Universal, Inc.

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · de-stress · happiness · life · relationships · self-improvement
Tagged: , , , , ,

Business Ethics: The Good, The Bad, The Confusing

January 4, 2010 · Leave a Comment

Most people we know want to be good. Does being good most of the time count? Personal and business ethics, why seemingly more confusing now than ever before?   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I hate to admit this but as this is a confidential question, I ask in case others are in a similar boat as mine. I consider myself to be a very highly ethical person 99% of the time. I am in a position of authority at work. Once in a blue moon, I have considered doing something that would compromise my personal integrity because I know it would benefit me and no one would be the wiser. Is there anything I can do to assure I don’t ever breech my personal integrity on the job?  — Boss Man

==

Dear Boss Man,

Ethics are a multi-faced Rubik’s cube rolling along a slippery slope.

I can only take your self-description here at face value. Being a human being with integrity doesn’t mean you’ve been canonized for sainthood or otherwise superior to Joe the Plumber. It’s the point where the rubber really hits the raceway. If you have earned a position of authority at work (or anywhere else in life), to my thinking, you have likely allowed something larger than yourself to guide you more days than not. On the other side of that same coin, I further believe that we’re all here because we have something to learn, and just like school kids, if we encounter the same lesson (presented as problems or life challenges) over and over again (think ‘Groundhog Day’), it’s because we haven’t learned the lesson yet. The sign of learning and subsequent growth is realizing you have new “better” problems to now hammer out — sort of like an ironic promotion.

Your delicate question sounds to me closer on the situational ethics side of the thin line, than the business ethics side. And in this question, that’s a hair-thin line! As I can’t imagine the honchos at Enron, et al, asking themselves these questions you pose, I feel confident to say to you: Let your personal ethics rule you in these trying episodes. Try not to throw the baby (your hard work and good rep) out with the bathwater, and instead keep checking yourself, chief, and stay frosty against your own shortsighted inner demons, soldier.

Be the North Star you want to follow,

BadWitch

“In order to be a leader…the supreme quality of a leader is unquestionably integrity. …The first great need, therefore, is integrity and high purpose.” — Gen. Dwight Eisenhower

==

Dear Boss Man,

OK, in life morals and business ethics only you can decide to “do the right thing.” Each and every one of us has the ability to do some questionable deeds under the table. There are no angels who don’t see the seduction of the dark side. Hell, even Jesus was tempted…more than once.

The difference is what you choose. The greatest gift of humanity is freedom of choice. We can choose to strive for our best or not. We can choose to weigh the benefits of all against the advantage of the one, or not. We can choose to approach business ethically or, we may not. The choice is yours, and, frankly, I’m pretty sure whatever I say here will have very little effect on your eventual choice.

If you are writing with this question, you are already pondering breaking the rules. An opportunity is being presented to you and you are deciding between business ethics and, well, Bernie Madoff. Let me say, fail-safes exist in companies. Many a former employee has been shocked to find their company had been following their unethical behavior. Great employees have been lost from companies because they have been disgusted by the unethical business practices of managers. In other words, you may put blinders on to whether anyone knows about what you have been doing, but in a work environment where you are in a fishbowl with the same people day-to-day, the inevitability of someone getting a whiff of your dirty deed is pretty high.

Listen, no one is granted immunity from temptation, but what separates the truly great from those of the dirty deeds propping themselves up on others’ is integrity—a personal decision to live life free from lies, drama and “getting over.” It is a simpler life. You don’t have to back track what lie you have told to which person and whether cells of lies will intersect causing whole new and elaborate stories to be needed. It’s about making a choice to rise above base instinct for survival so that you can thrive, truly enjoying life and its gifts. Do the right thing. Let karma work for you, instead of unearthing the skeletons in your closet.

Choose to do the right thing,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · life · self-improvement · spirituality
Tagged: , , , ,

Not Your Daddy’s ‘Mad Men’: Working Mom, House Husband

December 22, 2009 · 19 Comments

New American Family v.3.5: mama brings home the bacon, daddy fries it up in a pan, and he never, never forgets he’s his own man. Nice upgrade!  — BadWitch P.S. Happy holidays, lovely readers! We’ll see you back here Monday.


Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — My wife loves her job, is very successful and I’m a stay-at-home-dad while I’m figuring out what I want to do next with my own career. My guy friends seem to be telling me to hurry up so I don’t lose my manly edge, do you agree? — Manly Dad

==

Dear Manly Dad,

Hey, Mr, Man, are your “guy friends” married, otherwise, what do their relationships look like? If your wife is happy on the home and work front, your family is rolling down the road smoothly with you at that helm from “9-to-5” (yeah right!) then I hope you won’t rush your search at the expense of another valuable experience you might not be able to get back — especially based on advice of those who may not practice what they preach.

I commend you for being uber-manly and supporting your wife’s success without any seeming issues there. Your kids and you will benefit from getting to know each other in a way not always afforded fathers and their children. If you’re genuinely happy about your role and decision to put your family first in all the ways that’s possible to you, I thank you in advance for our society at large! Last but definitely not least, I’m thrilled you’re taking time to explore and develop your own ideas about what career will serve you best. Your guy friends in question must not be doing work they love, or they’d know there’s no hurrying up this process to good effect. Get to know yourself — you’ll be a better husband, father and careerist in the long run for doing that work!

As for that “losing your manly edge” warning your seemingly insecure, scurrying friends brandish, a Real Man will always have an edge even if he were the Michelin Man on the outside.

Man up, be fully you,

BadWitch

==

Dear Manly Dad,

In this economy rushing is NOT the right answer. If you are stepping back out into job market—this job market—you need to take the time to really decide where and how you want to step back in. So, no, don’t rush because your boys are threatened by this new definition of “manly” you are presenting them with.

In truth, the job of staying at home with kids is nothing to sneeze at. You are honing patience, multitasking and creativity skills on an hourly basis. You are learning how to work your audience to excite, to quiet, to inspire. And though this may not seem like much, lemme tell you, those new skills are SUPER important in the working world. It’s called PR/marketing training with a little sensitivity thrown in. Clients, coworkers and, yes, bosses, will eat it up. If you jump into sales, oh yes, these are great skills to have.

The fact that your kid(s) have you at home when Mom is working full time, is a blessing. Also for you, already having a working budget with you able to take the time to decide how you will re-enter the job market—huge blessing. Take this time and use it wisely. Work with a coach. Take some time to really decide what you want to do with your career. This time is a blessing. Wring out every ounce of the gift. Then, when yu are truly ready, you’ll be well-prepared for the next stage of your career.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Image, Dr. Timothy A. Pychyl

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · de-stress · family · happiness · health · life · love · relationships · self-improvement · spirituality · wellness
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Revenue Enhancement, Cosmetic Surgery?

December 21, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Some people would give their eye-teeth, but this reader wants to get a new nose and teeth.  So while it’s a guaranteed revenue booster — for his plastic surgeon and dentist! — will these cosmetic tweaks improve his own sales career’s bottom line?

— BadWitch

PS See you back here one day earlier on Wednesday.


Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Should I get a nose job and veneers to improve my career? I’m in sales. I do pretty well, but could always do better. — Bottom Line

==

Dear Bottom Line,

The ROI on improved teeth and nose work, eh!, not as easily definable a career investment like an MBA/masters, or a computer, but it could be considered a tool of your trade and you always want the sharpest tools in your belt. Having said that, I have no idea if you’re actually any good at being, nor what “doing pretty well” as a sales person means to you. Tools are only as good as the hands they’re in. If nothing else, there’s the potential tax write-off benefit; consult with the right tax professional for you.

A smile is worth a million bucks. Give or take the dollar’s fluctuation, in this economy. No matter whether your smile is your fortune, or just your personal calling card to the world, your smile usually is the barometer of your spirit and how you really feel about yourself. [And for any shy or less confident readers: Fake it till you make it includes smiling and this retrains your thoughts and eventually your brain. Smile your way to more confidence.] So if getting veneers makes you feel more genuinely confident about your choppers, then get them. As for your schnoz, unless it’s a physical impediment (like the most commonly cited deviated septum), or it really, truly keeps you from living your best life — don’t silhouette profile yourself (as lesser than).

I’m not against cosmetic surgery across the board so if you’re concerned about business and revenue, talk to your sales manager and CPA for their take on your individual situation. But if this is a question about how you feel about yourself, then I say work on building your actual self-esteem (and this may include some healthy and real confidence that comes from knowing your smile winningly conveys the real you inside). Otherwise a “quick” fix that comes with post-op black eyes and held together with glue, could just end up being a superficial (and possibly shifting) thing, at best.

First be real…with yourself,

BadWitch

==

Dear Bottom Line,

Why do you think you have to alter you features to be successful? Nose jobs and veneers don’t always improve people’s looks. Case and point: Hilary Duff.

You want to make more money and a better impression on future clients? Self-esteem is the best idea. Confidence is incredibly attractive. I know I’ve said it before, but the truth never changes. We all know the woman or guy who is not necessarily attractive, but has the confidence and charisma to make everyone react like they are cover models. Confidence is beautiful and works better than rhinoplasty in attracting new clients. Need another example, how about Clive Owen. OK looking with skin issues, but considered one of the sexiest man alive because he has confidence and talent out of control. Daniel Craig, another Hollywood Heart throbs, has never let his broken nose slow down his success.

You want success in sales? Start with brain training techniques and affirmations that program you for success. Just as athletes visualize themselves making the shot again and again to program their body memory to make the shot., you need to visualize yourself selling. See yourself bantering with clients easily. See people saying yes to you. See yourself succeeding. Train your body memory to be at ease, confident and selling successfully. Then put on an outfit that makes you feel confident and go work it.

Use that extra cash on more affective marketing—social network and/or traditional. Make sure people know that you are the one to buy that product from. Remember, you can sell yourself to make money, but in the end, you will have crippled your spirit. Frankly, it’s not worth the cost.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · happiness · health · life · self-improvement
Tagged: , , , , , , ,

When is In-office Fundraising Out of Bounds?

December 14, 2009 · 2 Comments

Everyholiday season request for donations go up. That’s expected for the Season of Giving, but what if your supervisor asks you to support his kids’ PeeWee endeavors all year long? Giving back some of your mind.     — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I have a supervisor who always sells crap for his kids’ school. Where’s the line of obligation and suckerdom? — Diabetic Soon

==

Dear Diabetic Soon,

Ah!, office politics. Nice. Goes well with pie but little else. If you’re like most people you want to give a token of support to your supervisor, but don’t let this arrangement make you feel like you’ve been taken for a ride personally. Here’s my gently-used donation to you: be straight up with your supervisor. I would gently remind her/him of your salary’s limitations (especially in times like these when everyone’s (including school) budgets have been hard hit) by pointing out that if you supported every good cause you actually wanted to, there’s going to be a car wash to support you that s/he better show up to! Then I would state the annual cap on your willing support – whatever number you want to give and doesn’t impede your budget. If it feels easier for you to break that annual number out to quarterly giving (pre-chat, tally up your last year’s in-office donations and I think you’ll be shocked how much those “small contributions” added up to) then do so, not exceeding your own annual limit. Decide. Commit. Do not allow yourself to feel guilty or ashamed that this amount that you worked so hard for, to give away to support someone else out of your sense of sharing, is too low or “not enough” – remember: zero is a viable option.

If, as you say, this supervisor feels so constantly free to cross the donation line at work, then s/he is either a very gung-ho but tunnel visioned parent, or s/he is A-ok with and willfully leveraging her/his power over you. Water seeks its depth and a supervisor who shows such little common sense or respect tends to languish at her/his own level (except at a company that mirrors such values; another subject).

If all that’s too much for you, then check your employee handbook or ask HR (you don’t have to mention names) what, if any, company policy there is governing in-office solicitations. Then helpfully share this newfound information with your supervisor as a supportive ‘I just found this out, too’-gift. Who knows, maybe s/he actually didn’t know.

All good things within limits,

BadWitch

==

Dear Diabetic Soon,

Well, I must state the obvious. Just because your supervisor is selling doesn’t mean you have to buy. Your boss’ fundraising for his kids school is much needed these days. School budgets have been cut to the bone. I know in my children’s school the amount of volunteer hours has gone up across the board, because the school does not have the resources they did, even last year.

That being said, your donation to the cause is not a requirement of employment. Don’t let guilt—or some misguided attempt to impress your boss—put a whole in your wallet or increase your sugar intake. I’m not suggesting you be a Scrooge, because, as I said, the school’s extra fundraising helps buy books, fund computers and, in some cases, keep sports and arts programs going. However, buy what works for you, not everything.

In donations, like living expenses, create a budget. Know how much you can afford to contribute to worthy causes. Then, decide how much of that you would like to forward to your supervisor’s fundraising activities. Spread out those buys over the year, choosing the one’s that intrigue you. You figure, chocolate can go in a gift basket at the holidays. I remember once we sold holiday candles, which works well for stocking stuffers or funny gifts for co-workers. Believe me, it’s an inside joke they’ll all get.

In others words, the little you do can help a lot. But give from a place of wanting to help, not wanting to suck up. The truth is, we can all tell when someone offers us something in some disingenuous bid to up their ranking. It’s called brown nosing and it’s not attractive. On the other hand, donating from the heart, caring about how the dollars are spent and how they help…that will give you big props with your boss—and karma points too. So, make your budget, then dig a little deeper and give from the heart.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Image, Universal Studios Home Distribution

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · de-stress · life · money · self-improvement
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,

Loud Co-worker, Bad Breath: Bad Benes Package

November 22, 2009 · 1 Comment

Ear piercings and knock out odors should be personal preferences. What if they’re imposed on you in the office? To tell or not to tell a co-worker the truth of his offensiveness? Is it better to suffer assaulting office noise and smell pollution, or face a possible office smack down?   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — My co-worker has bad breath and an extremely loud voice! But I like him and he’s great, but….    —Odorized & Deaf

==

Dear Odorized & Deaf,

I’m picturing you with a clothes pin on your nose and ear plugs, gritting your teeth in your cube. Not the most productive way to work. You could tell your manager about this, but I get the impression from your quiet and perfumed email that you seek to handle things yourself like an adult. Good for you! After all, it’s your relationship here. When dealing with delicate subjects, keep these in mind: Honesty and truth aren’t the same thing. Don’t use a sledge hammer when a tap on the shoulder will do. Everything in its proper place and time. …In short, appropriately timed gentleness but honesty is the best policy here, as you have to work and co-create with this person. Your results will improve if you can both get back to focusing on the work and not the funky human foibles.

That being said, not everyone Gets It when you try to be honest, and if you’re dealing with a Big Mouth (sometimes this means small ears), better off being truthful. A client asked me to tell a contractor I sent her to wear a bra in their conservative corporate environment. When I plainly brought this (my assumption: common sense!) up to the contractor, she laughed, “But I’m flat-chested and never wear a bra.” So I had to throw my erroneous assumption out the window and amp up the honesty with this truth, “I don’t think this client is too concerned with ruining your clothing lines, your comfort or general sartorial practices – the best practice in her office environment is to batten what you’ve got down and wear a bra at all times, Buttons.” Similarly, you could tell your smelly loud yapper that the mouth is the gateway to one’s health and his bad breath raised your concerned for his wellbeing — and your own — so could he please keep the volume on his newly freshened kisser way down because you have very sensitive ears, thank you very much. Worst case scenario: you tell the guy and he’s still clueless or just doesn’t care…do as much work together online as possible!

Wishing you a Zen rose garden,

BW

==

Dear Odorized and Deaf,

Telling a co-worker the loud, stinky truth is not going to be easy. The question is: are you doing it for your coworker’s best interest or for your own sensitivities? Why does that matter? Because you’re not the guy with the breath freshening gum in the commercials and people without a script and fat paycheck usually don’t take the news that easy.

You are talking about insulting your coworker. Is that for the greater good or your sensibilities? If it is for your co-workers best interest, then perhaps a holiday gift of assorted mints, peppermint coated chocolate or something of that nature. You can also mention your concern over your breath after coffee or lunch, then grab some gum or a mint. Then offer said mint to co-worker. In this way you focus your co-workers attention on maintaining fresh breath, and lead by example.

As for loudness, you may not be able to change anything, but your attitude about your co-workers loud voice. Your coworker was probably loud when he was hired. Your boss may be able to say something, but if your boss has not said anything, it is not your place to say anything.

In other words, if you think he is great, then these little things should not be enough to change how you feel about him. Your coworker is the person he has always been. Don’t focus on the things that are wrong. You have no control over the other. Accept that everyone has something which is less than stellar in their personality. Focus on the positive.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Categories: Advice · Life coaching · career · de-stress · health · life · relationships · self-improvement · wellness
Tagged: , , , , , , ,