Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…
Dear GWBW — I’m underemployed. I hate my work but feel trapped. Bills and my laid off husband make me feel I have no alternatives again. When’s it my turn? — Frustrated End of Liner
Dear Frustrated End of Liner,
No doubt about it, these are weird at best, trying times at worst. Personally right now, I don’t know anyone who has or is not undergoing some sort of “trial” at whatever level his/her life (might) need it. I’m saying, I think these are learning times. Other times are doing times. Right now, our broken status quo is in need of a severe and meaningful make-over. Whether we are mostly happy (by nature) or not, the situations, people, circumstances that face each of us today seem, to me, to be laying the foundation of opportunity for some change(s) that are fundamentally different, and hugely paradigm shifting.
Now as for your question, Frustrated, go talk to your husband and make sure he knows in no uncertain terms that you feel trapped with no alternative today because your family (like all of us) has bills. Stuffing is for turkeys, and misdirected anger is passive-aggressive. Make sure you don’t use blaming (of him, timing, circumstances) language, and own your own (frustrated, and the dashed hope ones, too) feelings in this conversation . When you’ve finished expressing your feelings (not to be confused with actual facts) clearly and non-judgmentally, give him his turn with no interruption. If your marriage is a partnership, I’m sure he is looking for new work and unhappy about this personal or familial situ, too — something in common. You’re in this together. You chose partnership. Let him be your partner in your frustration. Be his champion in his job search. Make individaual and team goals with deadlines for related tasks together. Show your kids what you want them to know “family” means in tough times and in the best times when it’s easy breezy and a no-brainer.
Move the chains,
Dear Frustrated End of the Liner,
Don’t give up hope! Today’s trials are preparing you for the next turn in the road. Face them with a determination to create a better life and the diligence to work hard for what you want. In the end, you may very well find yourself with opportunities for that better life.
I could write a whole lot more on the subject. After all, I spent three years under-employed, as a single mother, worrying how to make it all happen (rent, clothes, school supplies, and even gas in the car). But I kept trying. I kept looking for opportunities—taking any possible freelance gig that came my way and sending out resumes non-stop. Eventually, my world turned. All my hard work prepared me for a new full time job, a few freelance gigs on the side and, of course, my own business (StillSitting). Now, my task is to decide on priorities and turn away the gigs that do not move me further down my path.
Maybe I showed the Universe through my diligence and willingness that I was ready for the next stage of my life. After all, my diligence led me to the off-hand Facebook post which eventually led to the full time job I have now with the Owning Pink Center, doing what I love with like minded people.
Am I saying everything will work out, guaranteed? No. Am I saying stop worrying? No. I’m saying life will throw you curve balls on a regular basis and it is how you face those hard times that define you. Do your best and the opportunities will come because other people will see you trying. And people always want to help someone trying to help themselves.
Take a little break, plan your path and then jump back in. Your turn is coming.
MANTRA: As I work hard to create the future I want, I show the Universe that I am willing and ready. It is only a matter of time before I succeed.
Good luck and good work,
Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.
Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: firstname.lastname@example.org.
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