New Year, Same Old Office Relationships

The old joke that you can pick your nose but not your relatives should be updated to include our officemates. What if it’s not the work that’s the problem but the peers?    — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — New year, new job (I’m employed but can’t stand the people I work with). I don’t know why but I feel optimistic that I have some options even in this crappy job market. What can I do to attract or align with like-minded people in the workplace? Or am I just crazy with this market and shouldn’t rock the boat?  — Miss Aligned

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Dear Miss Aligned,

It’s awesome if the people you work with are “friendly” but their job description isn’t to be your friend. On the other hand, when the people around us bring us down, get on our nerves, or really aren’t supporting or nurturing the best in us, very often this can be a sign we still have much to learn in this (maybe ultimately) wrong for us environment. Search for a new job while contributing well to your current one — but note that if you don’t attend to certain issues within yourself, you will somehow find them popping up at the next job and the one after that. I recently heard study results that cited only 45% of Americans workers are satisfied with their jobs today. That’s a flip flop from a decade ago, and among other things, underscores to me that a lot of us have a lot to learn in the places we spend most of our waking lives at. Recognizing that your surroundings, people and energy around you have a direct effect on you is in itself an important tool for your sanity and personal growth. Eternally, tools are only as effective as the hands they are in.

Fortunately, you feel good about your possible job options while remaining employed. Very cool! Try to right-focus your (job search and resume, etc.) energies on the types of environments for you. This is more than an exercise in idealism. What we think about and focus on has a strange knack for becoming our very realities.

In your job search right-focus on your peers’ and management’s best qualities that actually help you do your job just a bit easier (tasks and living out each day). Notice what you would change in them if you could – specifically. In this way, you won’t be Pollyana’g it (like I’d ever advise that) but rather expanding your own ways of looking at people and circumstances that you have attracted to surround you. A while back we answered a question about love and soul mates —my take was that we learn in soul groups that come in and out of our lives (not just the love ones) as teachers. Even office mates. Observing and truly reflecting on (not gossiping or similar) how your peers could stand improvement, is a mirror for your own growth of what you yourself may be lacking in these areas, if you allow it.

Wherever you go, there you are,

BadWitch

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Dear Miss Aligned,

Well, you are lucky enough to have a job right now, so half the battle is won. I have to say if you have a new job you like, don’t hang everything on having friends in the workplace. Truth is, quite often, you best friends are not people you work with. I know we all want a perfect world where we love the people we work with and the job we do, but sometimes in life you just have to appreciate what is.

If you are feeling there are opportunities available that are a closer match for your sensibilities, then by all means, apply while you still have gainful employment and maybe you can make that easy switch. But it certainly is not worth giving up the stability of a steady job because you don’t like the people you work with. My guess is that if you have just started this job, you have not given yourself the opportunity to find like-minded people yet. Take yourself further a field within your workplace. There may be people outside of your immediate office you jibe with.

I remember working for a newspaper in Richmond, VA and finding the immediate staff I worked with were not people I would choose to hang out with. However, I gave them the benefit of the doubt. Sure, some of their life decisions would never be mine, but they are human. I believe there is something worthwhile about every human being. We got along well enough to enjoy our time together in the office. At lunch, I introduced myself to people outside of the department I worked in. I became good friends with some people working in the advertising department and soon leveraged those friendships into assisting in that department, which led to a promotion to that department. In other words, don’t stop looking for opportunities to connect with other people or to make the best of the situation you are in. Chances are this new situation is a gateway to something you are better suited to.

In other words, make the best of what you are offered, but never stop trying for more. Remember, your way, your choices, your lifestyle will not jibe with everyone else, but that is the beauty of life. There are many different people with many different lifestyles. If you can open yourself up to appreciate the differences, make the best of it and go with the flow, more opportunities will present themselves. Chances are, you will not need to find a whole new job to find office friends. Be more open in your assessment of others. That alone will help you attract more people who you vibe with, because you will give yourself the opportunity to appreciate more about the people around you.

Good Luck,

GoodWitch

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