Working Shy at Work Can Work!

An absentminded CEO, a loud mouth accountant, a painfully shy sales person walk into a work meeting. Yikes. What kind of company is that? Not every job requires sparkling gregariousness, not every job is for everyone. It’s not always about attitude, a quiet climb at work still builds altitude.   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I’ve always been really smart but always kind of quiet. This isn’t working for me at work. How do I come out of my shell? I want to climb that ladder better.  — Office Crab

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Dear Office Crab,

Check out what we told a shy peer of yours this summer.

Shyness is not a scourge to be “fixed” but another communication style. Soft-shell, don’t focus on your innate way of being in the world as wrong or something that holds you back in life, and it won’t. Instead, right focus on your unique qualities and the values that make you you. Getting along and getting ahead in the workplace are often but not always skills from the same list. I strongly suggest to hyper-truthful with yourself first. You don’t have to share this information with anyone else (especially early on while you’re still forming these thoughts and articulating feelings for yourself), but know yourself and write two columns, one of the things that you would want to do, and the other of the things you would be a bit more sucky at. This isn’t just careers per se, but qualities that make up those job titles, i.e., sales and outgoing usually go together; bookkeeping and detail-oriented, and so on). Then choose the jobs that will support your one and only way of being. Then by all means, break out of your shell and go for it!

I know it’s easier said than done. Here are a couple quickie tips to keep in mind:

1) Feeling safe – make sure your environment (physical as well as office and company culture/ethics) supports your own boundaries and general sense of non-harm

2) Companionship/peers – seek out and attract to you others with similar values, or work styles (for best practices), people who have full work/personal lives you would like to emulate. You’d be shocked how many people want their brain picked, just ask!

3) Developing trust – this is meant of others but yourself first. Trust your skills, your ability, your good will, your sense of calm and peace is desperately sought after by many who probably unbeknownst to you, admire your centeredness. Tell yourself the world (your office) is a good place, and you will start seeing more proof than you imagine

4) Growth (and recognition) – as you practice these challenging steps each hour of each day, there will be inevitable growth. Chart it so you can see how far you come in a very short time

5) Challenge yourself – choose one small thing to do outside of your comfort zone each day. This is a goodie for everyone, not just shy folks! Give yourself a day’s theme or idea to “overcome” and work it all day and that evening. I want you to see how much more you’re capable of when you try than you realize by keeping yourself shuttered or feeling “safe” by coloring in your usual lines

6) Rewarding yourself – make sure you treat yourself right, Softshell. There’s no one like you, and you should celebrate this loveliness, not hide or be ashamed of it.

Not like a watched pot: see how long it takes this real and cute tortoise to come out of its shell.

Molt in your own time,

BW

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Dear Office Crab,

Time to come out of your shell! Come on, you’re smart. You must get why the old adage says, “the squeaky wheel gets the oil.” If you’re shy at work, you’re letting other people take the credit for your ideas and initiative.

You want to get ahead? Shine, crabby, shine! It doesn’t matter if you walk to the side or wobble forward. What matters is speaking your mind, sharing your thoughts and allowing your coworkers to see the full picture of what you have to offer. If you don’t show them—tell them through your words and actions—they’ll never know the untapped potential that is sitting in front of them.

You cannot expect your office coworkers, managers and promotion-makers are psychics who can see that inner glow yet to be uncovered. They aren’t and they probably won’t. Don’t be shy! Share that information by speaking up. Start practicing in the mirror. Offer your ideas to yourself in the mirror. Notice: nothing exploded. The ground does not swallow you whole. No one screams out derogatory statements. And none of those things will happen when you speak up in a meeting.

Rehearse sharing your inner world with others. Practice. Practice by chatting with strangers at the grocery store. It’s guaranteed to be a less than 5-minute conversation with someone you need never see again. PERFECT! Stretch your wings by making it a goal to speak up at least once, when appropriate in every meeting. The more you practice, the more natural it will become. The more opportunities you will see and feel—in the moment—to share honestly, wisely, freely.

Yes, you will be scared. You will resist your own first, uncomfortable steps forward. But stick to your resolve. Remember how and why you want to break out of this shell. You already see how you are being held back by your shyness and if you are ready to recognize the issue, you are ready to change the pattern.

Work it!

GoodWitch

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Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

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