Bad Tipper Comes up Short on Ladies Night

Yo!, tip to yo mutha. 10%, 15% or 20%? Tipping etiquette: It’s not just a numbers game. When dutch diners don’t agree on what’s appropriate to leave for service, sometimes resentment is one of those dishes best self-served cold.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — There is a group of us that goes out to the same place every Friday night for Happy Hour.  One of the individuals in the group barely leaves a tip.  First of all, it’s rude. And it’s a major embarrassment. We love the place and we worry the waiters and waitresses dread our patronage due to this one “bad tipper.” The good witches in our group are brewing and stewing over this.  Do we confront this individual about proper tipping etiquette or continue tipping extra to make up for her? — Bama Babes

==

Dear Bama Babes,

Ladies, I feel your pain. A gal in our group used to fight for the entire table’s check and even though I continually outright told her I was uncomfortable having anyone else pay my bill, she paid the entire group tab insistently. Repeatedly. So I stopped fighting her. I was still uncomfortable but, girlfriend, if you’re going to keep paying for me, then…who am I to insult your graciousness? Very soon, she told me her boyfriend told her that I was not cheap (!!!) but clearly never going to pay for the whole group in turn, so she should stop paying for my individual tab. I protested, “That’s what I said!” Hindsight is 20-20: even though I clearly stated I didn’t want her to pay for me, her mind was focused on everyone taking turns paying for everyone else. Don’t assume, be courageous and communicate. Don’t waste energy hating on or ASS-of-yoU-and-ME your friend knows the rules as you’ve set them out silently in your head(s). Tell her straight up, “Girl. We finally did the math. Our little group loves our Happy Hours so much that we just assumed when we split the bill everyone was paying for what she ate plus her full portion of tip (state a percentage here; why not 20% min as it’s common knowledge that hardworking wait staff work for tips) and tax, too. We think it’s a fair way to go, and represents our group well to all the waiters in town. Just wanted to let you know that’s what the rest of us have been doing. Can and do you agree to the rules the rest of us are playing by?” If she says yes, great — cheers to that for the next time out.

But if she says no, then either happily pay for her tip and unconditionally accept her Howard Huges-ness, or tell your waiter when your group is seated, that her bill is to be presented separately and s/he will have no problem with that. This will help your friend learn about good tipping etiquette and the rules of your group’s friendship, plus leave her “conscience” intact — or at the very least, let the wait staff know your group at large is educated on proper tipping etiquette.

Cheers, babes!

BW

==

Dear Bama Babes,

There are times in everyone’s life where they must educate others about proper etiquette. Tipping properly (15% at least) shows an appreciation for the services rendered. And since in most places tips are considered part of overall salary, hourly wages can be as low as $3 per hour because tips are expected to make up the remaining hourly wage.

All in all, your friend not tipping properly either leaves you holding the financial burden or leaves the waitperson under paid. Tips are not extras. This is how waitstaff makes rent. 15% at least is standard tipping etiquette. This is well known. If your friend chooses to do less, than this person needs to be schooled.

I would be very clear about the expectation that each person will tip 15% at least on their bill. Let them know that others have been making up the difference on their skewed tipping scale and that it is not fair. I would remind everyone at the table when the bills arrive. This way the person should step up to the etiquette plate, rather than expecting the rest of the group to make up the difference. The truth is if this person cannot afford the cost of the bill plus 15% tip, they should not be going out with the group in the first place. It should be understood that proper tipping is expected.

My dad used to be a renowned horrid tipper. My sister and I would talk to him about it and then check on the bill whenever he picked up the check to inquire about the tip left. My sister gave him a tip chart to make it all easier, as well as very apparent that we were serious. As a former waitperson, I informed him that tips=rent to waitstaff. I am proud to say that we no longer need to inquire. He always leaves 15% unless service is amazing and deserves 20%.

If the issue is bad service — which it doesn’t sound like from your question — talk to management and have it corrected before the end of your meal. Ask for another server. Good service is included in the package you are paying for as a restaurant patron. But definitely do not keep paying for someone who just needs to be educated. Teach, sistahs, teach!

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.