Work Life Balance Tug o’ War

Obsessed!, or healthily in love with your work? If it could, would your job be running open-armed to meet you every day, or would it be seeking a restraining order to keep you at least 50 feet away? Are you a bona fide work ninja or…just a work nut?  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I love my job. How do I get my family and friends to stop bugging me to lessen my travel, shorten my work hours, and stop “living through my work”? They don’t seem to appreciate how much I love my job! I feel like I’m getting all my other life responsibilities met, and no complaints there. I just want them off my back about something so important to me. — Worked up, Not Tied Down

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Dear Worked Up/Not Tied Down,

I get your passion, you living Almodovar movie! Just realize that not everyone has had the experience of actually enjoying going to their job to the point of even thinking happily about going back to work when they’re on vacation. When I’ve been so into my work, some friends openly expressed disbelief. When you truly, madly, deeply love what you’re doing, then you actually want to keep doing it — and this sense of purpose is a joy, and not in the least laborious. Recognize and avoid work addiction, let’s talk about the other side of this same coin: balance. Although I totally know firsthand what you describe isn’t just some urban myth, let’s just make sure you are living and working in balance, and not under-employing your wellness or self, otherwise.

You’re probably tied down and out of balance if:

• you constantly work unlimited hours

• try to be good at everything and are compulsively competitive about everything

• you don’t take care of yourself, health, or your relationships

• other people’s praise, your pay, title, or other externals mean more to you than your own inner sense of accomplishment and peace

You’re most likely worked up in balance if:

• you make time for your work and personal lives consistently

• you are passionate about your contribution, not just the cache of the job or paycheck

• have and maintain supportive relationships at work and home

• you were independently wealthy you would chose to do what you do for free, and keep striving to improve yourself on this free job for the joy of personal growth

As long as you’re not obsessed, it is possible to work and live in balance! Keep your eye on the Big Picture and that includes how your personal life is benefiting from this job you spend so many hours (physically and/or mentally) focused on. Make sure to make time for yourself – my currency was my time and so I literally contracted what hours I would be in and out on my average day to guarantee my workouts, creative time, and household admin got equal time. I was far more effective during work hours (which only added to my perceived brilliant aura, yo!) and people (including clients, snap!, oh yes I did say that) respected my boundaries of time and other accommodations of them. Keep growing by challenging yourself — including making sure you are doing all this in balance of your body-mind-spirit…which show up in the health of our relationships, as well. Work to keep evolving.

Work it, career sherpa!

BW

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Dear Worked Up,

Well, clearly you love your job and, frankly, there is no fault in that. The issue lies in whether you have stepped over the line into obsession. Work life balance isn’t just about “getting other life responsibilities met.” It’s about finding fulfillment in work and at home, but it seems that your love of work has eclipsed the joy of everyday living.

I’m not saying you should enjoy work less, because that would be insane. To have a job that you love spending your time doing is a blessing. It is clear that you love your job. However, if you do not find the same joy available in your relationships and the challenges of everyday living, you are missing out on the blessings that actually turn the wheel of life. Remember, no matter how much you love your job, it will not take care of your emotional needs. Your job will not take care of you if you should get sick (beyond healthcare and perhaps sick pay or workers comp). But friends, family and loved ones will be there to support you through even your darkest days, if you put in the time and energy for them now.

As much as you love your job, what if you lost it? What would you do? How would you spend your time, beyond looking for a new job? Would you allocate more time toward your relationships? If someone in your family or a close friend were to suddenly pass away, would you feel like you had used your time together wisely?

When friends and family are telling you is that there is concern that you are using more than 70% of your energy on work. That would leave you with 30% (or less) of your energy for home, bills, friends, family and self-exploration and growth. That is a tall order on 30% of energy, which would only be available to you on the best of days. Daily stressors like traffic, deadlines, family “advice” can leave you with much less. Soon, you are “getting responsibilities not met” but not well. Bills may be paid on time but friends fall away, personal calls are not returned and personal growth is left for someone else to do.

I’m not suggesting you give up your job, but perhaps slowly practicing redirecting your energy towards personal life. Spend a little extra energy towards the friends and family that are giving your grief. Go out to dinner. Have a raucous girl’s night out with a few friends you haven’t seen in awhile. Give a little to the people who care about you. Relationships are not only the most satisfying components of a life, they can extend your life, reduce stress. Do the work to move past the work obsession to actual work LIFE balance. Remember, all work and no play…

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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